A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am separated three years now and have someone new in my life for a while now and it is serious to both of us but none of my children know about him, I have four sons. I have met my new man's children, grandchildren, his mother and family and they are lovely, he is lovely and treats me so well we have grown together and I can only say it is wonderful. The problem I have is my ex won't let go and it's probably some of my fault as I have not gone for legal separation for fear of him, he lets himself in my house when I am out, I have changed the locks and he just gets copies off my son's keys without them knowing but I know. My sons cannot understand really as I don't say nasty things about their dad as I don't want them to be bitter but it is not helping me. He gave me std's ten years ago, I tried to forgive but I can't. I have moved on as I am very independent and have been building up the courage to go legal but the mental worry of what he will do worries me and I know he still loves me and I don't want to be spiteful as I know he is going to be in a bad way when I do see a solicitor, also I worry if he finds out about the man in my life, what is reacton will be, I keep thinking he will kill me, will he fight for a share of my home which he seems to think he can though I have bought it on my own. Tonight now he has put a pleading letter through my door saying he loves me etc but I can never go back with him and he is holding me back from the happy life I know I could have, now I am feeling so low and I know my new man's patience won't last forever, meaning keeping him a secret. Any advice would be welcome, thank you xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo anonymous, i am so sorry to hear of your troubles and god do i know how you feel, as i haven't solved mine i am unable to help yet, you sound quite strong as you have had the courage to take it all the way to the divorce, well done! I/ we can only hope in time these idiots do come to their senses and let go though i feel it will take for them to meet another woman before they do which i pray they will. My husband goes to 'MY' mothers grave asking her to help! Well i wish you well and hope you do manage one day to get your peace you deserve. Read the replies to my question, such positive people, Take care xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): I am going through the exact same thing right now. I was married for 15 years and have 3 children. The oldest of my children is 14 and the youngest 6. My ex wont give up. He is in complete denial. He says there is no way that I don't love him. He says it makes no difference that I didn't want to get married in the first place. (we married when I was 19) That according to the bible, marriage is forever and that I am bound to him for life, regardless of whether or not my divorce was granted. We have been divorced for 3 weeks and he is still wearing his wedding ring! He has asked his pastor for prayers that I would come to my senses and reconcile with him. He is a completely controlling person and is used to getting his way on everything. He is constantly involving the kids in our arguments and telling them how much of a bad influence their mother is. I have made it very clear that I want nothing to do with him and that it is SO wrong to involve the children. Have had the police at the house twice because he refuses to leave....constantly preaching at me for hours!
I need advice too!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the replies, they were all so positive and have give me some support really. Great site, i had three responses within 20 mins of posting question, thankyou xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): I have lived your story and I know how it feels, the only difference was that he wasn't the father of any of my 3 children. I lived with the abuse for a long time without letting any of my family know. When I finally did leave him and move on, although he did not know where I was living, he stalked me at work, and at church the only two places he knew he could find me!
You have to get a restraining order against him, change your locks and don't give anyone keys. And by all means, tell your children how you feel. What you have been through and the fears you have of their father!!!! You are letting this guy (your ex) have total control over you even though you have been separated for three years. Empower yourself! It's a wonderful feeling when you finally do it! It is important however to have the court system behind you.
Give yourself a chance at happiness, take the steps necessary to begin a life with your lovely new guy!
Good Luck and God Bless
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female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (9 March 2009):
 You are too nice!!!
You don't need to talk negatively about your [ex] husband to your grown up son. The fact that he gave you STD while you were faithful to him already speaks volumes. The fact that you made sure that your son still "respects" his dad is also "admirable". I am sure that your son now would be more than happy to support and make sure that you get the happiness that you deserve!
Cat
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