A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i am going to do a very brave thing and confront my abuser. as from 2 weeks ago he is now my ex husband but i am still dealing with the after effects of what he put me and my our kids through. i feel so much anger as he abused me emotionally and sometimes physically, he also abused one of the children when he was just 3 years old. none of the kids have anything to do with him and they are now teenagers. i feel that i will not rest until i have said what i have got to say to him, a lot of it is stuff i was to scared to tell him before and i had to hold it all in. and some of the stuff will probably hurt him as well but compared to what he put me through it is nothing. some of you might think i am being like him but i feel it is my closure as he is still trying to play mind games and i need some closure and to say what i need to say. i will then feel able to move on with my life as i will be leaving the area then and he wont be able to get hold of me which then makes me feel even stronger. if i dont say what i need to say then i think i will regret it. also i have read a book by jay carter called: how to deal with nasty people: and it says that sometimes you have to give a person like this a taste of their own medicine. anyone got any views on this they would like to share? i would just like to add that my ex was the type of person that really wanted to destroy me and i know this by some of the things that he would tell me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): i agree with emily write him a letter and everything you and your children have suffered is now over as you have moved on without him and about to make a fresh start,thats the icing on the cake,worth a smile or two i would say,well done and good luck
A
female
reader, CNKlives  +, writes (17 September 2008):
You book says the way you deal with this is give them a dose of their own medicine....guess what...you DON'T have to deal with it anymore...so don't.
I would recommend going to counseling, maybe group conseling, with role playing. This is highly effective and also very supportive with other people there.
Don't confront him...move forward and don't let him take up another moment of your life. You can do this without him, you don't need him, not even for closure.
Good luck, you are in my thoughts.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (17 September 2008):
If you go round to see him and tell him that he's horrible and you hate him and the kids hate him, then what is to stop him getting a knife from the kitchen and stabbing you?
It's very dangerous to go and see him if he has been violent to you.
Even if he doesn't then he's not going to be sorry, he's going to blame it on you and turn it round and make you cry. He'll just shout over you and you won't get a word in.
What I suggest you do is write everything down in a letter. Make it a final good bye letter and tell him that this is the last he will ever hear of you.
Send it and then move on. You won't get a reaction or get to see what he thinks about it, but you will have said your piece and not given him a chance to hurt you again.
Good Luck!! xx
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