A
female
 ,
*larey
writes:I have been seeing my first love again after many years. He is sweeping me off my feet but I can not believe it is true. His first wife was beautiful and I am attractive. I know I am funny and he thinks interestingly wacky, so I can get away with being my usual odd-ball self...hurrah! He had an awful marriage with no sex for 10 years and is crazily mad about me. He has lost 50lbs to be with me and moved from one side of the world to the other. Before he came I did not feel ugly, now I see all my flaws and I feel totally overwhelmed and in danger. I have never had a relationship where I have been truly loved and love in return and swallowing this is almost impossible. He seems to feel the same. I think once he gets me he will feel something missing. I have had that effect all my life. My exes often want to get back with me. When I have chosen a re-match, battle won and off they pop again. I am sick of being a fixer. What can I believe in? I really must keep my eye on what I want instead of worrying about him. Such as making sure he is good enough. I did finish with someone to be with him, which is a move up for me because I used to go out with anyone who showed me love. I think my low self-esteem and "walk all over me" sign may have caused problems before. I have had counselling and now have to get used to creating boundaries, the lack of which may be why I had so many misadventures in the past. It is just that I am having to bring all of these new skills into play for what could be the most important relationship of my life and it is scaring the daylights.
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female
reader, Clarey +, writes (27 February 2006):
Clarey is verified as being by the original poster of the question You were absolutely right to say what you did about my feelings. I do love him and told him last night. I decided to give up being afraid, examined my feelings behind that and we both cried with relief. Thank you for your help, it really kicked me on.
A
male
reader, juttandmeff +, writes (25 February 2006):
In all of your question, you don't say once that you love him. Do you, or are you just being 'swept off your feet' by the attention he is paying and the sacrifices he appears to be making? If you sit around all day with that feeling in the pit of your stomach that says that you love him, then take the chance. If not, and your gut feeling is that as your first love he reminds you of your youth and, perhaps, better times, but the love isn't there, then walk away now. Does he love you? From what you say, it would appear that he does. Will he find you ugly and unattractive because you're older? Not unless he's been cryogenically frozen for the intervening years! If you can sit down and say honestly to yourself that you love him, and would love him even if you had only just met him for the first time with no history behind you, then go for it, and good luck. If you can't, then spare yourself the heartache later on.
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