A
female
age
30-35,
*cared123
writes:My ex boyfriend and me dated for almost 2 years. He had a serious drug addiction, everything was fine for the beginning, we had our problems and he would have anger spurts a lot, it was a constant rollercoaster ride considering he relapsed a few times, which altered his attitude a lot, but besides it all, we we're best friends, incredibly in love. He took care of me, he was the best thing I had. But, the fights always took a tole on us. I lost my virginity too him, and I never thought i'd be able to have sex with someone else, without thinking of him. But, in the last month of our relationship something changed. I would find track marks on his arms, and he knew i'd leave him if he used again. Something changed. He went on vacation for a while, and he was really distant. I always had a serious issue that he was cheating on me, but I never had a real clue. He came back from vacation, and it all went downhill. He wouldn't talk to me, my mom has cancer and he wasn't around like he used to be, he wouldn't help, wouldnt talk, something was just in the way. I didn't see him for a week, and going from seeing him everyday and being fine just wasn't normal. One night he called me and was crying and said he had made a mistake, he committed a serious crime and was scared. Two days later I got a call from him in jail, he got caught and I couldn't handle myself. I couldn't stop crying, the man I loved was gone. For a long time. But I wanted to try. He told me he had been using, way too much and he fell into a bad drug use and did some stupid things. When he got arrested they performed a psych exam, he has antisocial personality disorder, bipolar, and depression. Mixing drugs only makes that worse. Creating a monster. I told him we could work through things, a few minutes later his mom called me. She told me that I needed to know she went to his house one day and he wouldnt answer the phone or door, so she knocked and went too get the key too open it when she did and blonde girl walked out of his room naked. He was passed out on the floor strung out. He had been cheating on me with her and using. I broke up with him right away. He wouldn't admit to anything, until his mom told him I knew. When he told me he didn't have sex with her, and all these things. But it's been almost 8 months since he was arrested, and he jsut told me he isn't sure if he did or not, his therepist said he went into a drug induced psychosis. He doesn't remember anything he did. I went to see him a few times before he got sent to prison, but ever since then the feelings have faded a lot. I've cut him out of my life a few times but I feel alone without him. Tonight was the first time I heard his voice in 5 months, and I couldn't handle it. I wasn't upset, I was just in shock. I'm so used to being in love with him, and that crazy happiness I used to get hearing from him, and it's gone. I don't know if it's because i've been with other people, or if I never loved him enough, or if it's just because I haven't been around him since august. But, the feelings are almost none existant anymore. And I used to love him more then anything in the entire world. I'm scared. I don't want the feelings to go away simply because of how much I loved him, and what we shared, and i'm scared one day i'll want him back, but at the same time maybe i'm scared of the change, and i'm afraid of losing him completely. I've been involved with other people and relationships that I can see going really far since him, but i'm scared to let him go, and I don't understand why the feelings are going away. It's so upsetting to hear him and not get the feelings I used too. What do I do too figure all of this out, and cope with the change correctly? He's emotionally damaged me so much, I don't even know what too do. Help :[
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, drugs, in jail, lost my virginity, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2012): I don't think he did this to you, you do this to yourself. you've lost feelings for him which is what most people who have broken up would love to be able to do.
I think you're not in love with him and haven't been for a long time. You're in love with being in love. or with the memory of what he used to be, not what he is now.
I think also that because you've invested so much of yourself and your emotions into him, you don't want to let go and move on. You want your pain and suffering to pay off and not have been in vain. that's why you're invested in a certain specific outcome - not to move on and be happy that way, but to have him back the way he used to be when he was less messed up. but the problem with this is that you're giving him power over you and your happiness. and history has shown he's the wrong person to be giving power over your happiness!!
he's been in jail, you haven't had contact with him for a long time, and he betrayed you. So you are doing this to yourself now.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 May 2012):
 That's a lot to happen and for you to deal with at such a young age. Time heals well and that is why the feelings are slowly leaving you, I understand that this scares you, but you need to let him go. He is no good for you. You will always remember the good times you both had, and you will always remember how happy you where then, he will still always be a big part of your past. But you need to look to your future now, and if he is stuck in prison then he shouldn't be part of that. You really are better off without him, he has some serious issues and he needs to sort them out and by himself. I am sure he will get the help he needs for his conditions and also for the drugs, but you are moving on with your life, and even if you are feeling bad about it you are doing the right thing by letting him go. So follow your heart and continue your life without feeling bad about losing the love for him. Am sure he will always hold a special part in your heart but I am also sure that you can find someone else who you can love just as much as you once did your ex. Good luck.
...............................
|
