A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently found out that my ex (whom I dated for 5 years) and broke up with 8 months ago, has moved in together with his current girlfriend whom he cheated on me with (the cause of our breakup). This has shocked me as we never made that step as a couple because I always wanted to wait until marriage and don't believe in living together. And it hurts, I don't know why, I thought I had moved on and that what he does is no longer important to me, but obviously it is. About a month ago, he emailed me because I deleted him from facebook and this upset him, he told me that he will always regret losing me and that he still thinks of me often and that he still cares about me. I returned a few emails and then cut it off because it wasn't healthy for me to be emailing him. His emails make me think that maybe he isn't happy, but I can't help but wonder why he got so lucky, why did he end up with a new girlfriend right after we broke up, why does he get to move in with her and be happy? What's the next step, marriage? I know that I'm not supposed to care and that I should just focus on my own life, but it hurts that he's happy and I'm still alone. (I've only dated one guy since we broke up and it only lasted 2 months). It just seems so unfair, he cheated, he should be alone. Yet I still care for him and want him to be happy, just not with her. I feel so hurt and I don't understand why this all matters to me... Anyone has insight for me? Thanks for any advice or encouraging words.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): I am going through a very similar situation. I don't think they are living together, but my ex is currently dating the girl that she cheated on me with. I know exactly how you feel. Since your ex was the one that did wrong, you feel like he should be suffering alone and wishing that he had never left you. My ex still sends me emails and texts; I don't think it is a sign of being unhappy with her current situation but its more guilt than anything. Like you, I still want her to be happy and I have learned to let go of all the hatred and animosity I felt at one point. Most importantly I came to realize that if she cheated on me then most likely she will cheat again and that this other girl is nothing special. There is no excuse for cheating and if he really cared for you, he would have broke up with you before cheating. Now yes, there is always a possibility that they will end up together (marriage, etc.) but, like I said, I believe that once a cheater, always a cheater. I know exactly what you mean by this whole situation being unfair but at the end of the day, you did all you could in the relationship and if you were honest and true to him as well as yourself, then you have nothing to worry about. I am a firm believer in karma/"reaping and sowing" and while it may seem like he has everything good going for him now, eventually he will pay for his actions. Life will handle him, and even though it hurts you need to find a way to move on and focus solely on you.
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