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male
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*arkstar
writes: Me and my ex dated for about 3yrs (we're now 23 and 24) and have lived together for probably 2-2 and a half years. She was my first g/f ever and the first person I ever had any relationship with at all. Throughout the 3 yrs we were together we never fought or argued; we got along great. I always had doubts about how I felt since she was my first girlfriend and I broke it off a couple of times because I was unsure of myself but I always got back with her because we were happy together. The last time I broke it off she started seeing this gut and the second time they went out he asked her to move out with him. Having her apart from me was the worst thing that ever happened to me and it made me realize how much I do love her, so I told her how I felt and I wanted her back. Pretty much she said no, that she was moving out w/ this guy she hasn't even known for a month. The problem is she still calls me every day to talk and tells me things like she feels like she's losing her best friend (me) and part of her family (my family) and cries about it. She also complains about things her new b/f does. Now she wants to continue to be best friends and hang out. I know I shouldn't but I love her too much and will do anything to get her back. So what is the best thing to do? Continue to talk with her every day and wait for her new relationship to fall apart or let it go, which I really don't want to do? I feel like talking to her is better than letting her forget. Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2006): let her go!! she obviuously still values your opinion or she wouldn't bother talking to you about her problems. She probably has deep seeded regret about losing you. She's using u for the emotional support she isn't getting off her new man. Concentrate on the reason u let her go to begin with...give it time and space for a while...rediscover yourself. Breaking up is hard. Dont let the loneliness cloud your vision...you must have left her for a good reason. If it was something to do with her ( the reason u's broke up), time on her own to live with her choice to be with someone else could be to your advantage...u never know it could inspire change in her...for the better...she might realise what she lost and vice-versa...in any case i believe its unfair to draw on sumone u've just broken up with...it's hard enough to pull yourself through it, let alone give to someone who chooses not to give it back or be there for u! sometimes its easier not to be friends with an ex until u know exactly where u stand and are emotionally stable and strong enough to do so!!
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