A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hi all. I've had a lack of help from people on this site with my questions recently, so I've decided to keep it as simple as possible:Last night, I told my ex long distance girlfriend of 2 years that I was meeting a girl on Thursday, as a friend. My ex broke things off 2 months ago, and I started talking to this friend about a month after we split.My ex seemed baffled by this. I had told her lately that I'm going to struggle to move on from her, so she is now surprised that I'm meeting somebody else. Even though I insisted that we are only friends, she classes that as me moving on. I don't. I class it as meeting somebody new.My ex insists that she's over everything, but it really doesn't look that way to me? Maybe she was just talking out of shock, but whatever it is, I think she took great comfort knowing that I was finding it hard, and maybe even knowing that, if she so wished, she could come back to me. But now, I've kind of blown that out of the water, and I think it has unsettled her a little.So, now I'm not sure if I've done something wrong. I know I wouldn't have liked to hear that she was going out and meeting new people, but the difference is; she was the one who ended it with me. So really, she lost all the right to be bothered by this when she let me go. Also, this new girl is JUST a friend.How do you think I should be feeling? Did I do something wrong? Will this possibly make her realise what she's lost, or losing?
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ex girlfriend, jealous, long distance, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, volcomdrew32  +, writes (21 January 2009):
Ok bro check it out...if you want your ex back there is only one way to do it. You need to see other girls! The reason being is if she knows your waiting around for her then she will always have you when she needs you and wont ever put forth any effort. I am not saying by doing this you are going to get her back either. I am simply saying one of two things will happen. She will come back to you cause women love a competition or you yourself will move on and she wont! So just relax take a deep breath and move on thinking she wont and if she does then its meant to be. Who knows by the time she comes around you might not want her back.
Drew
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (22 August 2007):
 I think DocPete is spot on! Sraight to the point & basically it in a nut shell! I dont suppose you need anymore advice, there isnt anything anyone can say that would be any different. Or are you waiting for the reply that says lock her in a room & keep her your prisoner for the next 50 years hehe Nah seriously though, i would go out with the friend you are meeting & have a laugh. 2 years is a long time to be with someone really, you cover a lot of ground in that time! and i reckon its always good to chill a bit when you first split from someone, it cant do any harm!
I hope it all turns out how YOU want it to though, cuz your ex hasnt asked for advice on here, you have, so heres wishing you all the best.
C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (22 August 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Ah, just to quickly explain; When I say there has been a lack of help, I don't mean that the answers have been bad. The advice has been solid, but I have just recieved little as of late. That's all I meant. I really hope people don't think that I meant that people have been giving bad advice! Nothing could be further from the truth, so please do keep it coming!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 August 2007):
 Andy please listen to the Doc. Very good advice there. Meet up with your friend and try to have a good time. I know you feel that you aren't getting any helpful answers here but you truly are. We see your situation clearer than you do I fear. I know it hurts, Sweetheart but you must move on with your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): Andy, as hard as it is, you really need to take a step back from this girl because she is going to eventually resent you and before long she'll end up not wanting you in her life at all. I think that is a sad way for a relationship to end, especially after all the happy memories you share together. I'm sure you can see yourself that her opinion of you is changing but the only way you can fix this is to give you both space, talking and contacting her for whatever reason is just making it worse.
You are not *listening* to this girl. She is clearly telling you that she does not want to get back together with you. If she was remotely open to the idea then she would not bring up her "principles". These principles are her way of telling you she is not open to being convinced otherwise and it is not your cue to encourage her to change her mind. Stop seeing things that arn't there. Any person would react with surprise when their ex announces that they are meeting up with someone else; it doesn't mean they want to get back together though!
Your relationship, and those times from back then, are over. You need to accept that, it is the only way you are going to move on and stop making this so drawn out and difficult for you both.
You are clearly a very sensitive guy, and whilst this can be a good thing, you need to be aware that what is a positive trait can just as easily turn in to a very negative one.
She has 2 years of good memories from you, but if you keep this up the resentment and negative feelings from this breakup will be her remaining memory of you and your relationship. Don't let that happen; let her go her own ways and remember you as the great first love of her life; not the boyfriend one who went all needy and desperate.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (22 August 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, last night I made things a little worse between us.We spoke about when she goes to university, and I was trying to suggest that maybe we could work things out, since there's a chance that we may have the same days off, ect, so I could drive 3 hours up there on that day to see her. But she seemed to dismiss everything without a single thought. She talked about her "principles" and how she "doesn't do getting back together" which I think is obserd. The last 2 guys she dated for me were pretty dumb, and her relationship with them only lasted about 2 months. We lasted over 2 years, and yet, she still sticks to her principles. I thought I was better than that. I really did.Still, either way, I put myself in a bad situation last night. Talking about all that only made her angry again. After she left to go to sleep, I sent a few messages to her while she was offline (she'll recieve them next time she sings in) apologizing, and once again suggesting that we stay out of contact with eachother for a period of time.I don't know why I keep doing these stupid things, and I don't know why things just never seem simple anymore.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (21 August 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI see why everyone may thing that, but I don't believe it was ever my intention to make her jealous. I simply told her what my plans for the week were, and meeting this friend was one of them. I can feel that I know what I've done was somehow wrong, but it wasn't my intention.
I hate how difficult this stuff is. I'm very new to it, and clearly very bad at it. I just want things to go back to the way they were, and since they evidently won't, I feel like I'm stuck. I don't know what to do that's best for us, and therefore I don't know what to do for the better. I hate this!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (21 August 2007):
Hi
It seems that you told her to make her jealous & its not really fair to meet girls that you are only using to make the ex jealous.
Im sure its possible she is a tad jealous but that doesnt mean she wants you back, there was obviously a reason she ended with you.
I finished with someone years ago & even though i knew i had done the right thing it was well over a year before i didnt get a pang of jealousy if i saw him with someone else. But we never got back together & i wouldnt of wanted to.
He certainly didnt make a point of telling me when he was going to meet someone though, what would be the point of that?
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (21 August 2007):
 Andy,
I don't think this will make her realize she lost something. I think that what you are doing now is to ease some of your pain and anger by getting back at her. You want to show her that she might lose you, that you are not going to stick around forever to wait for her. The thing is though, that start seeing others on these premises will only have the opposite effect. It will keep you from moving on, you will be standing by waiting for as long you are occupied on her thoughts about what you are doing. And it will only keep her distancing herself more from you in the end. You can't win anybody back by hurting their feelings, it's not the way to go. And as the previous poster says; you will also be playing with another girl's feelings. Even if you think of her as just a friend, she might think differently (even if she doesn't say so). If she does, you will not only hurt her, yuou will also hurt yourself in the end. You both deserve better than that.
I think that you are trying to reach out to your ex, to touch her somehow. It is very understandable, but my advice to you is to step back again and start thinking about your own mind and heart. What will make you start feeling better? Planning and acting to win her back, or wanting to hurt her feelings, might not be the answer. Maybe you should rethink about taking the time off to not have contact? You don't have to make it 6 months as before, that is very long, but maybe 2 months?
I wish you all the best and hope for you to find happiness soon again.
Take good care.
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A
female
reader, confusedchick +, writes (21 August 2007):
It seems to me like this girl still has feelings for you or she would just like to control you even though you are broke up! The fact that you care about her feelings means that you might still have some for her... and that you want her to realize whats she's lost...
sounds to me like you need to decide whats going on b4 you drag anyone else into the situation... Ive been the new girl in a situation like this and let me tell you it sucks!
If the new person is just a friend then your ex needs to realize this and get over it... maybe you need to tell her how you feel about her and that you are just meeting new ppl! Hope this helps...
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