A
male
age
41-50,
*rknHrtd
writes:My GF of 3.5 years broke up with me about a month ago. I still want to be together and I have been completely blindsided by the whole situation including the things that made her unhappy. She never told me anything. The list includes things like she felt couldn't talk to me, I didn't tell her she was pretty/sexy and that I just didnt make her feel special. There were other issues as well; I was in grad school and without a job for the final semester and she was basically supporting the both of us. I thought this was the arrangement because we'd discussed it. The problem was that she changed her mind about the arrangement but never bothered to tell me. She never told me any of the things that she told me after we broke up. The biggest thing is that she says she needs time to herself and that she needs to be alone. She says that she hope we'll be together again but that she can't give me a chance right now. Does she realize that her lack of communication was at some of the problem in our relationship? Does she really want to get back together? I've sincerely apologized for the things I did that hurt her and I've vowed to make any necessary changes as long as she communicated with me. She sends me mixed messages as well, she'll tell me not to call her again or she'll change her number but then she'll contact me the next day. She stills calls me "honey" and "babe" and she tells me the things that she wants me to change. And she sends me random text messages about how she wants to snuggle up with me. What am I to do? This girl is the love of my life and I feel like I have to fight for her. What does time alone mean? If I give her time will she call me? What else can I do? Please help, I'm miserable.
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male
reader, BrknHrtd +, writes (16 July 2009):
BrknHrtd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe went from talking to not talking and now we're speaking again. She said that she wanted to start the process of getting back together but she wants to "take it slow." Our problems were a complete lack of communication from both of us which led to some hurting hearts, resentment and a fear of telling each other how we felt or what we needed. She said she wanted to start out as friends. The biggest obstacle I can see going forward is that her family now does not like me. They will have a major influence on any decisions she makes about us. How can I get her family to forgive me and give me a second chance? And what does "taking it slow" really mean? How can I make sure that I'm not rushing her into anything
A
female
reader, The Girl in the Green Scarf  +, writes (8 July 2009):
 Im in a reasonably similar situation but sometimes its better to just do your own thing and find yourself (as cliche as that sounds) then if it doesnt work out you have a plan for your life and what you want to do with or without her. My ex of the last year and a bit left me a week ago and all iv done is just ggive him space (similar issues as your relationsip) and only time wwill tell. If you love something set it free..if it comes back its yours...if not it never was...im a firm believer of that. Goodluck to you. Patience is a virtue
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): give her the time, tell her you will leave her alone so she can figure out what it is she wants. then do just that. im guessing she will be back once she can no longer play her games with you.
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