A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So a little background:a guy that I was having a friends with benefits situation with for a year and 4 months, started talking again after we had a fight a few months ago (he also knows that i did like him and had feelings for him in the past). His book was being released so i texted him jokingly that i wanted one, so he told me about a signing he was doing and where it was. (we have a pattern where we are on for a few months then we fight, stop talking for a few months and then begin again) So i took that as an indication that i should stop by. So i stopped by the event there was only an hour left, and he seemed happy and excited to see me. He hugs me and kisses me on the cheek and asks me what i've been up to and so on. He even went on to say flirtatious things and somewhat sexual things in nature to me, one stating where he wanted me to come back to his place to get a book. So i thought he was being serious so i stuck around until his event was over. I also thought that maybe we could have had a cup of coffee to catch up. He apparently had other plans and so we parted and i went home. I texted him an hour later and told him it was good seeing him and that it got a little awkward towards the end. He said it was good seeing me too and then agreed it was awkward and asked me why i stayed so long. I said i thought maybe we could have hung out and catch up. He then jokingly called me a stalker, and that most people who come to these events stop by and leave. I told him again how i felt and he seemed to understand and we moved on from it. Later during the week, a girl that he hung out with back in February to get back at me for hanging out with one of his friends, was trash talking him online. (We had a huge fight in the past where i posted something vague online about him because i was pissed off and hurt, which i apologized for.) Anyway, i told him about the girl shit talking about him online. He said he hung out with her twice, she was crazy and the he was trying for months to get her to leave him alone. He then turns the situation around on me. He said that i just couldn't wait to tell him, and starts saying that i did the same thing, and that i'm a psycho like her. After a few days of not talking i texted him and explained myself to him and told him that i felt like i did the right thing by telling him about what this girl was saying. He then said that he was done, wanted nothing to do with me, said this situation was poisonous and brought up again how i stayed too long at his book event and that i was a stalker and then blocked me. I am completely dumbfounded. Did i do something wrong? Why did he react like this, when all i was trying to do was help? We had just started talking again and spent a good 2 weeks talking about everything from the past and reconciling. He was even trying to make plans to see me and now a month later he says he is done and has blocked me. He has done this before in the past where he flips out and blocks me. I’m just confused as to why he’s blaming me for everything after i apologized for it and why am i being blamed for acting like a friend? He is making me feel bad because all i did was try to be a friend and he took it the wrong way thinking i had a hidden agenda. Is there anyway he is going to realize how much of an asshole he is being? I do care about him as we have a history together and i really don’t understand why he acted like this and now wants nothing to do with me?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 December 2014):
 I think he read more into your actions, BECAUSE he knows you like him more then HE likes you. YOU have spend 16 months on and off screwing each other and fighting with each other, but NOT as friends or FWB, like others mentioned, it sounds WAY more like a F-buddy thing. He thinks because YOU have an ulterior motive (wanting MORE then a CASUAL relationship) you automatically creates drama.
The fact that he calls you "stalker" and "nuts" just shows how LITTLE he cares. So WHY, WHY, WHY are you wasting your time on him?
And as for another girl talking smack online about him? Not your business. Obviously he has a "way" with women. My guess is the other girl wasn't ANY MORE nuts then you are. The guy just didn't like that she wasn't as casual as he.
The guy sounds self absorbed, and you sound like you need a dose of common sense.
You want a relationship? Then don't SETTLE for being someone's blow up doll or "fwb", f-buddy, once-on-a-blue-moon-entertainment. No matter HOW much sex you put out, or how much you CARE, a guy like that? He isn't going to want more.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2014): Sometimes in life you have to take no for an answer.You can justify your actions and gossip as much as you want but at the end of the day, he is not interested in the drama that comes with being f**k buddies with you.The whole point of f**k buddies is that you don't get jealousy, clinginess and obligations. Clearly that wasn't the case for you two.It doesn't matter who told you about what the other girl said. It is not your business whether she was invited or how long she stayed. You were not acting like a platonic friend when you told him, you were telling him because of your feelings for him and the sexual nature of your relationship.Him suggesting you come to get a book from his house was part of flirting. He didn't ASK you to wait for him because if he had asked you, you would have rightly called him on cancelling your appointment. In this case, you took seriously what he considered harmless light hearted flirting.I stick to my advice that you should rethink having a FWB situation with someone you care about because you will read more into their intentions than they actually mean. What I am saying may sound harsh but you are only hurting and demeaning yourself by settling for FWB and then having to beg for forgiveness like this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2014): Actually someone told me about what the other girl was saying and SHE was the one that randomly showed up at his event. I was actually invited. So no, i wasn't stirring shit up, i was acting like a friend and told him what i had heard. big difference. I also told him because he was giving me shit for hanging out with one of his friends and was acting like a jealous boyfriend. So i found it ironic that he went and hung out with some random girl to get back at me.Also staying longer at an event when someone is clearly saying how i should go back to their place is an indication that that means stick around. Also, asking me what my plans were later in the day were also a sign. I don't think that clarifies as "stalking" a person or acting obsessive or desperate when you're actually invited to the event and he is expressing interest.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2014): Leave the poor man alone.
He doesn't have feelings for you and he doesn't owe you anything.
You say you were FWB but I disagree. It looks like you were f**k buddies and there was no underpinning friendship on his end.
You texted him first this time round, overstayed your welcome at his book signing, texted him soon after seeing him,stirred shit about thé other girl (yes, it counts as stirring shit when you involve yourself in their business).
No wonder he cut contact.
For someone he's not in a relationship with, you are too much drama.
My advice is not to have a FWB situation with someone you have feelings for. You end up stalking the poor guy without realising how desperate you come across.
Don't call him again. It's a waste of his time and it will hurt you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2014): Yeah to be honest why bother telling him about this girl shittalking him, leave that to his real friends to do. I can see how it could come off as you being obsessed and getting too involved in his affairs immeadiately. Leave it and move on
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A
male
reader, lifesgreat  +, writes (3 December 2014):
he sounds like a total cock ! If he thinks she is such a psycho there is no need to give you grief for wanting to help him.
If I was you just leave it .. do not text hi, fb him, call or anything . If he keeps apparently meeting girls who are crazy or stalkers apparently . Then the issues lies with him really.
focus on a man who wants to be with you and not as FWB .
good luck
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