A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a female of 32 years old. I have a boyfriend who is 30. We have had a no strings attached relationship for about 2 years, where he knew about my boyfriend then and i knew of almost all his escapades with women. He went for postgraduate studies for a year and since he returned our relationship has now been stronger and we have talked about a possibility of marriage. Things have been very well, so perfect that i feel guilty when i sometimes meet the man i was seeing before we got serious. I know he suspects i still see him. Most recently, i was at his place and we were having a good time, (excuse me here) we enjoy having sex, talking about our past sexual experiences with other partners, and i must confess we both like it when having sex. Last time he brought up the sexual experience he had with one of the 'friends' he had/has. Am certain they are not seeing each other but i know they still talk. He is now telling me that the urge is too much and wants to have sex with the friend, but he needs my consent, he says it will be a once off thing. I dont want him to have sex with her, and this has put me in an awkward situation that am now feeling jealous and i told him that i dont want him to have sex with her. He says he will not. How do you advise me to go about this situation?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate the responses
A
male
reader, WindupBird  +, writes (14 May 2009):
 This is why these types of relationships almost always lead to problems and stress.
In my opinion your relationship must be either totally open (it takes two VERY secure people to do this successfully) or exclusive and trusting.
The idea that you will alternate going off on little trysts and somehow that will work seems like madness to me.
I'm sorry if that seemed a bit judgemental...if you can do it then you are a better person than I, but it sounds like you two need some strict rules to adhere to.
Best of luck to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): I agree with the previous two responses, that you cant stop him from doing something you are doing yourself.
However, maybe you should discuss to him that you dont want to be in a no strings attatched relationship anymore, and see what he says. I mean, if that is what you really want?
See how it goes from there?
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthnaks for responding. hmmm u r both right i guess
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): forgive me but are you still seeing one of your past conquests? If so there is no hope for ye and ye should split up now.
As far as him wanting to have sex with someone else, in my experience if you want to have sex with someone else then you arent really emtionally involved with another person, its a sign he wants out of the commitment thing.
Go back to being FWB or else see if ye can be faithful but dont get married until you are sure
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