A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi.My ex-fiance and I met 5 years ago. In the beginning everything was great. Eventually, however, I began to realize the full extent of the influence her mother has on her. Her mother is her reason for living - and taking full advantage of it every step of the way, I might add.I have asked her to leave and she will not. She claims she will miss me too much but I know that her reduced ability to help her mother is also a bit of a factor. In any case, I asked for and received the ring I had given her.She has a brother that lives with her mother and is a complete and utter idiot. His sister (my ex-fiance) had to find him a job, his sister had to pay his debts (despite the fact that he was earning way more than her), his sister had to find him a place to live. It's just a sad situation. This 37 year old brother has to be the world's biggest loser by far...inexplicably self-serving, lazy, irresponsible etc.My ex-fiance is a charming, beautiful, caring, smart, hard-working, outgoing, giving person and we could have had such a fantastic life together. It's really a pity but I have had enough. There is no right or wrong in these cases. I cannot fault her for who she is, who her mother is etc. They are who they are and I am who I am. What I am having a hard time understanding is how such a bright woman can't see what kind of a trap she has been caught in for so many years. What is it with the whole mommy thing and why does the mommy try to milk it for all she can instead of letting her daughter flourish and be happy with me or anyone else for that matter?Any answers/thoughts appreciated.
View related questions:
debt, trapped Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 April 2013):
 I think if you look up "Narcissism" and "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" you'll see a picture of your ex-potential-mother-in-law and her son. Your ex is just doing what's been programmed into her since birth. It's not her fault, as you recognize.
That's my 2 cents worth. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): Whilst reading your post, I honestly felt that whilst describing your ex-fiance, you were describing me. The thing is that although I do know that in my own instance I know that I am being taken advantage of by my family, I have ALWAYS been treated that way by them, and as much as I know I deserve much better, every time I have tried to escape them, I have been dragged back in because they manipulate me into feeling guilty for wanting to be happy. It is the fact that although logically I know that I will never have my Mother's real love, and she will never truly care about me, just as my father never did, deep in my heart I hope she will realise what a wonderful person I truly am and she will love me as a mother should before she leaves this world. I realise how much it hurts you, and I also know how much it hurts her aswell. I am only now able tostart accepting that no matter what I do my family will always destroy every bit of happiness I try to make for myself, because I want to be loved and accepted by them, and getting to a point where I am building the strength to leave them for good. they have been able to ruin my life up to now because I was hoping that they would love me, but they are toxic people who are incapable of loving anyone but themselves. I don't know if sharing this helps you in any way, but I hope that it may help in some way for you to understand your ex-fiance a little. Good Luck and I am sorry that you have been hurt by this horrible situation your ex-fiance is in with her family.
...............................
|
