A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:what can i do ?ive recently come out of a very bad relationship with a guy who has bled me dry and made me feel like a sack of crap.before this i was engaged to my fiance had a house with him everything but in the back of my mind i didnt feel loved - stupidly my friend (the guy ive just split with) did show me more attention and eventually i left my fiance and went with this guy.my fiance said i wouldnt get any of the house and sold it.now 5 years on i hear my ex fiance has got married - i was devastated. i dont know why - maybe im a selfish bitch, but since then ive beaten myself up constantly - constantly crying, feeling guilty, bad, everything - i cannot get out of this.im really scared what you guys will say but i have to say it.i wanted to send him a one off email apologising for everything - i dont know why im aware hes married, etc. and im definitely not looking to get back with him - the damage is done but i feel like i need his forgiveness before i can move on. ive tried so hard to forget this and now its affecting my life.the guy i was with, im still helping him financially because it feels like i deserve everything thats happened to me. im very low and just want to feel better. i am a good person and need closure. im not a trouble maker or want to hurt anyone, i just wanted to send a short one off email saying sorry and leave it at that even if i dont get a reply. please help me with some advice.
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female
reader, xcharlottex +, writes (12 July 2009):
even so, you left him for a reason, (not including your latest ex, you dont leave someone you're happy with for someone else right?) there's no need to feel guilty about leaving him, even if you don't think so if he wasnt showing you enough affection at the time it was the right thing to do. It's these times in life where everything's in pieces, we learn how strong we really can be and are really character building experiences, I'm not saying don't mourn etc. you've just come out of a breakup, your ex has just got married, you have a right to be sad. But try and focus more energy on getting everything back on track, rather than "crying over spilt milk"?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust to clarify the guy ive just split from i left my fiance for -thats why i feel like a sack of crap
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): Do you still talk to this guy and if so do you know for sure that he hasn't forgiven you? I think the email thing sounds like a good idea but I think you should be careful what you say so that he doesn't get the wrong idea about why you're emailing him. Do you mean you cheated on him with the other guy or you left him for the other guy?
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A
female
reader, xcharlottex +, writes (12 July 2009):
I think if you forgave yourself you wouldn't feel the need to send him an email. What you have to realise is none of this was intentional, and not your fault, not feeling loved enough by someone is a perfectly good reason to break up with them and you shouldn't feel guilty. Another thing you have to accept is you are human, you will do bad things, you will inevitably hurt people, whether intentionally or not, you will make bad choices. It's a fact, and you have to learn to feel okay with the fact. As for where your life is now, it will get better, if you try and make it better. Don't email him. His life may seem perfect at the moment, but so do most people's lives looking from the outside, things are usually alot different on the inside. What you may find is, is that the woman he's married was the right woman for him, he was able to show her alot more love, but that's no reflection with you, you just weren't that compatible and it didn't work out, like ALOT of relationships. Just take this situation on the chin and enjoy your life, doing that, would make you a winner.
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