A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:We broke up because of distance. I was very deep into it so I tried 3 times to disappear and just cut her out of my life. Each time, she begged me not to, pleaded and said that it was unfair. She wanted me there, as a friend (and maybe someday as maybe more).So I gave in, agreed to be her friend. And at first we talked quite a bit. Then she disappeared and a little while later reappeared and apologized. Reaffirmed she wanted us to talk a lot, and be friends. Then poof. Went cold, we went from talking everyday or every other day to 2 times in 3 weeks. I'm tired because she puts in no effort anymore, even friendships need effort. What should I do? I've talked to her many times about effort and everytime she apologizes, says she'll change, and nothing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2012): here's the problem. you're still trying to treat her like your girlfriend and not as your friend. friends go days without talking and it doesn't cause issues. in fact, i never talk to any of my friends every single day. the only person i speak to on a daily basis is the person i'm seeing at the time. so there's your issue.
i think you were doing the right thing by disappearing for a while. i think it's best for you to take some time and move on, regardless of what she tells you, and when you're finally ready to actually be friends, then reconnect with her. until then, this "friendship" you have won't work.
best of luck.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (4 November 2012):
 Hey, remaining friends after a relationship is not obligatory. You don't have to be enemies, but if the friendship angle is not working, there is no reason to not let it drop, move on, develop new interests and make new friends.
You are her backup person, somebody to talk to when she has nobody else to talk to. I am sure you deserve more than this,
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