A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ok so i was with my childs father for 9 years, it wasn't the happiest relationship, his mother hated me she tried to destroy our relationship and he would never support me she would call me all the names under the sun, and he would just stand there, she even went as far as accusing me of steeling her credit card. also she would walk in on us having sex, she said to him one time when she had walked in on us "go out into the lounge your friend is sitting there by himself", so he got up and left me.we had been dating for 7 years and i had decided to have a baby, my ex never had a father, so i thought it would be a good idea to have a baby and i always wanted to be a mummy, even though our relationship wasn't the best, but i thought it would bring us together.I had a very tough pregnancy i had no support and he wouldn't help me. we even went to counseling for domestic violence, but it didn't change things, he would never take me seriously, one time i had an ultrasound done to find out the sex of the baby, now i had told him that i wanted to go home straight away to tell my mum the news, but he drove me straight to his mums house to tell her the news i was sooo upset, as we were on our way to his mothers house let me out i am not going there, but he wouldn't listen to me, so he pulled into her drive way and i got out of the car slammed the door and walked to my friends house down the road, that really hurt me i was emotionally soo upset.after i had the baby i felt sooo lonely i had no one to really help me my mother flew over for 7 days, but prior to that i wasn't aloud to speak to my mother while i was pregnant because my step father hates me because i am a christian, i had no female to take me baby shopping or be there for me, no one would come to visit me i had this beautiful baby boy that i just loved soooo much but i couldn't understand why no one felt the same, yes my ex loved his boy but he never helped me change the nappy, i breast fed my baby for 1 year, i did the best i could do, i went walking every morning with my baby and use to visit some people but no one would come to see me, i had no family i felt sooo isolated and my ex's mother never cared about us she would never ask me if i needed help, i hardly ever got to have a break, i didn't have postnatal depression i was just depressed felt sooo unloved, So i decided to start going back to church, i started to feel free and strong again, one night i came home to my ex he had been drinking, and he started to verbally abuse me, in front of his mother and our boy he told me to get the f!@#$K out of the house, it was night time i had no where to really go, i ran upstairs to pack my things be didn't think i would leave, i couldn't take my baby i had no where stable to go. an i couldn't give him what his father could, i couldn't do it anymore. i love my baby that much that i had to let go. i couldn't stay with that man we fought constantly it wasn't a good environment for my baby to be in he deserved more than that. i had decided to move back to nz to be with family and find myself again, i got married to an awesome man of God he is my best friend, i also completed the same course i had started years ago when i was with my ex but i pulled out of it half way through, but this time i got my masters so now i am a fully qaulified personal trainer. i did it for my beautiful boy, there was no way i could be the woman i am today if i had stayed.now i have moved back to brisbane i live only 15 mins away from my beautiful boy but my ex wont let me be in his life, and it hurts sooooo bad i love my baby boy i had to make the decision i made, i know i left but why do i have to be punished it is soooo unfair, when i talk to my beautiful boy he asks me when i am going to his house, i know he wants to see his mummy, i just pray that my baby will know me, it tears me up inside i feel robbed of being a beautiful mummy to my baby boy, i know i have written such a long question but i am confused, was i treated unfairly? was it a domestic violence relationship? did i make a bad choice? should i be punished? will my baby still love me and know who i am it is sooooooo not fear :-( love you my beautiful boy
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a break, best friend, christian, depressed, my ex, unloved, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): You need to speak to a lawyer and get some access sorted out through a court. If you explain your situation to them then they'll surely set something in place that will let you see your son at set times and your ex will have to adhere to it. You have to prove it's in your son's best interests though so you need to prove you're stable and and want to do the best by him.
At the very least, if there is anything you're not telling us that could come out in court, your son will know that you've fought to see him.
Keep persevering. As your son grows up he'll see how much he means to you and, if his father is getting in the way of that, he'll know.
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