A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So it has almost been a year soon that my ex of 5 years and I split and broke up. He ended it. This very morning I get a call from him. I do not have his number saved however I obviously still remember it by heart. I absolutely did not answer. It rang until I guess he got the voicemail message and hung up. It was shocking because he does have a girlfriend and got with her right after we were done.My friend is still friends with his current girlfriend on Facebook since we all went to high school together. They seem to be in a "lovey Dovey" relationship posting up pictures and proclaiming there love for each other cheesily on Facebook. I told her to check it out today after what happen and obviously i was just being curious. My friend said there wasn't much activity on facebook and his current girlfriend just wrote a cheesy status for Fourth of July but no pictures or status involving him which is strange since everything they do she writes about on Facebook. It flattered me however I am definitely not the same girl I was before. I will not contact him back. I am over him completely. I just think its funny. Also my birthday was the other day and today was my mothers which he obviously knows since he's celebrated it with us 5 years in a row. I know you guys aren't mind readers, but what do you think he wants? Has this ever happened to anyone?PS- we haven't had contact at all since last year when we were done and out of the blue this happens.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2013): Hi, well how will this story unfold, some will say, do not talk to him, its his turn to feel the pain. Its been a year, I think maybe deep in side you been waiting for this phone call , maybe so he can feel the pain , but I think you are still in love with him, theirs nothing wrong with that, for you did love him with your heart, an he made a mistake, a big one. When in love, really in love you can not just turn it off like a light switch, it seems he did, an it hurt you more then he will ever know. But now I think your heart is smiling for the love you felt for him, is still in your heart, even if you don't want to omit it, hey theirs nothing wrong with that, some times in life you don't get a second chance, to be with the one you love. Don't wait for ever, but don't give in to fast, only listen to your heart, some time in life, our hearts can kiss once more, an how do you know even if he's been with some one else, he's not been thinking of you, an thinking you didn't want any thing to do with him again, but in his heart, he's been missing you just as much, true love can love again, I hope you are smiling in your heart, he hoping for that too.You both might be thinking, that the other one hate's you , but both of you are still in love with each other.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2013): Yes something sort of similar happened to me once. We didn't date for five years only a few months but I really liked him and he dumped me. (He dumped me by never calling me again and never returning my calls). Unlike in your case, though, I never knew if there was another girl in the picture. Six months later he called out of nowhere, I made the mistake of answering because I too had deleted or lost his number somehow, and didn't know it was him. He was so nervous. Speaking softly and slowly like with his tail between his legs. Asked me a bunch of times eagerly, how I was doing and what I'd been up to in the past six months. I was short with him as I didn't have much I cared to share with him and had no idea why he was calling in the first place. Finally he got to the point and just blurted out how terribly sorry he was for how he blew me off. His exact words, "I'm sorry for being such an asshole." He said he wished we could still be friends and remain in contact. It was a very long pause as he waited for me to respond. I didn't say anything. I couldn't lie to him I just didn't care at all. He got the point. He apologized once more and as he hesitated to hang up, I wished him the best, said goodbye and that was the end of that. Your boyfriend's conscience is catching up to him and he is starting to miss you. He probably realizes he screwed up. He'll probably call again. He's probably nervous and stumbling over his words not sure what to say to you. That's probably why he didn't leave a voicemail. And if he doesn't call don't be surprised if you "randomly" run into him. He may stage a random encounter to have the opportunity to talk to you again. But you already know how you feel and you know it is over. So allow him the opportunity to express himself to you if it comes down to that and you will naturally know what to say and do. When you are over someone these things just really come very naturally.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2013): I think he was feeling a bit of nostalgia after a rift with his current girlfriend. You were wise not to answer. He is just searching through his little black book to see if you still carry a flame. Obviously you don't, or you'd have picked up the call.
Often we assume that a guy has no feelings; because he is cold and quick to get out, and start dating soon after a breakup. He may have been dating on the side all along.
Texting his exes, and flirting behind your back.
In actuality, guys who do this are looking for a quick-fix.
They are running from their feelings and they need a distraction; not to mention, replacement sex. They cold-shoulder you, ignore your calls, and deleted your text messages. Yet, inside, they are all torn up. They lead you to believe everything is fine days before the breakup; so they can make a quick getaway without confrontation, or offering you an explanation. Or they just stop answering your calls or text messages. Go missing for days.
If you were abusive or a cheat. You got your just desert to be dumped hard and cold. That isn't what this young lady's post is about. He didn't care a year ago. Now WTF?
For those who didn't see it coming. This lady is who you will be in the months to come. When you reach that final phase after the period of suffering from the breakup.
The ex knows you're now available for all the guys/girls that were checking you out; so they go on Facebook and show you how well they're doing without you. Then, when the dating-well dries up, you're the first thing on his/her mind.
Now he wonders how you are? Long after you finally got over the pain. You let the phone ring until it stopped. You deleted his number almost a year ago. Good for you!!!
Why did he call? Because you were desperate and hurt the last time he heard from you. He remembers all those messages you sent trying to apologize and begging him to come back. How you fed his ego, and how eager you were when he called out of the blue shortly after the breakup.
Now his unresolved feelings will finally catch up with him. You are over him and his pain is just beginning. You didn't answer. He is now a distant memory.
His girlfriend will wonder what the reason is for his foul mood. Why is he so edgy. Who's number is that on his phone?
She thought she was your replacement, and he was long over you.
He remembers how you used to answer seconds after you would see him on caller ID. Remember how your heart used to leap?
This is the emotional payback for all you cold-hearted bastards and b/witches.
Remember how you did all you could to leave him/her in a pathetic heap of emotions? You couldn't wait to advertise your new relationship on Facebook, and rub his/her nose in it. You made daily updates, bragging and jubilation over your new slice!!!
Well, here's a success story. Look how well she's doing without you. Thought the day would never come when she ignored your calls, hey? How you bragged to your friends how bad she has it for you. Once upon a time, she was the girl who adored you. Worshiped the ground you walked on.
How's she doing now? Well enough to not pick up the phone!
Well, stone-hearted guys and ice-princesses, this is what's called payback. What goes around comes around. You didn't take the time to heal, instead you went out of your way to pour salt on the wounds. You didn't care to work it out, or at least site the reasons it isn't working for you. You let him/her go on believing nothing was wrong; didn't tell them how you were hurting enough to leave. You had the chance.
You dumped him/her hard, instead of coming clean.
You should have just ended it by by saying:
"I am leaving and I will not be back. I did love you, but now I can't like I used to. I do not want to give you false hope by becoming friends. I respect your feelings and will leave you alone. I will not answer your call/texts/e-mails. It's for your sake. I want you to get over me. Good-bye."
She used to care, she cried for days on end. She couldn't think straight. Now your calls mean nothing. You're just a curiosity, no longer an obsession. How does it feel?
Maybe someday, she'll answer a call. At the moment, it's a choice, not a reflex.
Again, good for you. You are a fine example for those of us still suffering. You are hope.
You are healed.
How does it feel?
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