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female
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anonymous
writes: I dated a guy when I was younger for about two years and we eventually became engaged. A lot happened and we broke up, but I've still been sleeping with him for 3 years after that. He's had several girlfriends during this time, and cheated on all of them with me. He doesn't cheat on them with anyone but me. We're really good friends and share everything with each other, but tried dating again and it didn't work out. We always say we wont sleep together again, and he always says he wont cheat on the next girlfriend. I have no idea why I let this continue, or why he does, but we cant stop. What is going on?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006): Well!! I started off by thinking he is just using you, but after reading it again and thinking it over i think you are both as bad as each other. Why do you let him back into your life. He is cheating on other women (our sisters!!!!!!)and you are just as bad!! Why can't you get a bloke of your own and let go of the past. How would you feel if you had a bloke doing that to you. Going back to his ex for sex. One of his girlfriends will find out one day. The hurt and pain that you will uncover just isn't worth thinking about.
Please let go of this selfish pig before he drags you down into the gutter where he belongs.
Take care
xx
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (13 November 2006):
Rythemand2lues is correct. I think what your're doing is wrong morally but her technique for getting him is sound advice. He'll have to make a choice. Be careful what you wish for though. If you win he might be "the booby prize" who cheats on you for the next 30 years. Only then will you see how painful your actions have been.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006): Well, I think there is a lot going on, for one your bed buddy is just not ready to get married, he has an agenda that he is not sharing with you....he is playing the field and you are just old reliable and comfortable and perhaps a friend.
I know a lot of aunts here will tell you the very negative that he is just using you, and on some level this is true, but I think the fact that this has going on for over 3 years says that he has a deep attachment to you and that you are closer than you may realize to being his wife!
I speak from experience, because I had a similar relationship.
If you want more from him, I think you should shake him up a bit, and announce that you are taking a break from him and will no longer have sex with him; that you deserve a committment from him that he will offer you an exclusive relationship, and that you want a future together as in a marriage bond.
Break it off with him and start dating other men, and being non available to him, trust me, he will come crawiling back and then you need to set the terms for allowing him back into your life....that is, if that is what you want and you are tired of wasting your life on a man who treats you like a second class girlfriend.
You don't want to let this continue, it will not get you what you want with this man, he is selfish and narcissicitic and he needs to change if he can....you might want to ask yourself if you want to be with this kind of man long term, because he will be very high maintenance, and will most likely NOT change his cheating ways even if he marries you.
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