A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there.about 5 weeks ago my boyfriend and I broke up due to him having feelings for another girl.we had been together nearly a year and a half so I found it really hard. we never really stopped contacting each other even saying that we might try again in the future. however he did end up kissing this girl on a night out and they started seeing each other (this was about 3 weeks after we split up) I was upset but decided to just get on with life. I deleted him from facebook and this bothered him. he text me a couple of times asking if we could remain friends and I told him that we could be civilised if we saw each other out. he said he wanted to actually be friends though because I was 'special' to him. After texting for a while I he admitted that things weren't going too well with his new girl, they had already argued and he didn't trust her. he also said he'd like to see how things go with us and think about trying again in the future. he admitted that he'd be realy upset if I met some other guy but that there isn't anything he can do to stop it. He txts me every day and tells me he loves me and asks whether I love him too, but I know that he still texts the other girl also. I don't think they see each other though. I just want him back, we both still love each other and have been through alot together. How can I get him back properly??
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female
reader, miss sweetheart  +, writes (14 October 2009):
I think he is trying to string you along and have you as a back up plan like my ex tried to do with me. I told him I am no ones second choice and you are not either. Move on and a guy who will treat you like a queen will come along.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009): Sorry there is no proper way it either is or isnt you cant make him do the proper thing if he aint ready i would let him be If he cant make up his mind and you have to give him a answear why would you date him he is a man right?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2009): It sounds to me like this guy can't decide who he wants to be with, so he is trying to keep both of you so he can see how things turn out. While I understand his logic in this dilemma, I think it is quite selfish of him to expect you to just wait around, incase he decides he wants to be with you after all. And it isn't fair on the other girl either.
I think that is why he was bothered when you deleted him off Facebook. He wants you to still be there, incase things don't work out with this other girl. With him texting you every day and asking if you love him, again, I feel that it is his way of keeping a hold on you.
But like I said, it isn't fair for him to expect you wait around in reserve. You have every right to move on with your life. I would recommend doing so, rather than continuing to wait for him.
If he does still want you, then I think the only real way to get him back would be to stop all contact with him. Delete him off Facebook, stop texting him...it will be hard, I know, but I think this is the only way you will know. As the situation is now, he doesn't have to decide who he wants to be with, because he has both of you, in effect. If you stop the contact with him though, he will know that you are serious, and aren't willing to be messed around and strung along. Then, he may make his decision. If he truly wants to be with you, then this may prompt him into letting go of the other girl. He wouldn't just let you go.
But I think you need to set the boundaries here. Make it clear that you won't be second best, or kept in reserve. Start moving on. I'm sure he will make a fuss at first, but that's because you will be breaking his security of having the both of you. Be firm, be strong. You don't deserve to be second best. You deserve to come first. So don't settle for anything less. x
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