A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, long story as short as possible. My ex and I were together for 4 years. Towards the end things got absolutely horrible. We couldn't be around one another without fighting. He became a totally changed person. His entire attitude about me and our relationship changed. Over the last 3 months he's been a complete asshole and we finally broke up last month.On March 16th is the last time I saw him. When I did, he lashed out at me and said he hated me, he couldn't stand to fucking look at me anymore, he's no longer in love with me. He punched his dresser so hard it wouldn't close. He was filled with anger and took every bit of it out on me. I left his house and we talk the next few days like nothing happened. He tells me he loves me and that was that. Time has passed and I haven't initiated contact with him since March 29th. On that day I sent him a happy bday text and that was it.Ever since March 29th, he's either text me once a week with some bullshit meant to get a response or he'll comment on my facebook posts. I have NOT, made any effort to contact him until last night. He added a girl to his facebook that I grew up with and it bothered me because we've only been broken up a month. Nothing else he'd done or said sparked a response so I text him and asked him about it. He assured me they were friends who met a long time ago. This got her to send me a friend request and she's wanting to see me soon to rekindle our old friendship from high school. It's obvious nothing is going on with them as she's happily married but I know he did it knowing it'd get me worked up.Anyway, my ex broke up with me, lashed out at me and left me bawling my eyes out on March 16th, so why is it he's still trying to hurt/and or get a response from me? I can't bring myself to delete him from facebook as I'm still in love with him and didn't want things to end. He won't delete me, yet posts things that have been to get a reaction out of me. None of them worked until he added my friend last night. He told me if I come suck his dick, he'd delete her.It's obvious he doesn't give a flying fuck about me anymore. I don't even know if I'm asking for advice or rather venting. I'm so upset over this man I haven't been able to sleep, and I hadn't cried over him since the last day I saw him. He's turned into a total monster who seems to get off on watching me hurt over him. This man was my world at one point. I was so in love with him and gave him ALL of me. Suddenly, he's a major douchebag. When we were text fighting last night about adding my childhood friend to fb, he felt the need to reassure me he isn't talking to anyone else.He clearly doesn't want to be with me, I got that. It's more than obvious, but why can't he stop rubbing it in my face and move on like he's wanting to do? He's the one been speaking to me for the last month, not vice versa. Why can't he delete me instead of making me suffer. Please don't say I'm doing it to myself, I know that seeing as how I still have him on fb, but I don't feel like it's my place to delete him. All of this was his decision. I've gotten the shit end of the stick and it hurts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2014): Read my article:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/when-will-i-finally-get-over-the-breakup
It will give you something to think about. I got dumped last year, and I went through all the phases and the heartbreak.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2014): My dear, do whatever you have to make yourself feel better.
Do not ask about him, and maybe you should avoid that friend for the time-being.
You're going through some emotional trauma, and she would only add more aggravation.
I know exactly the feelings you're having right now. Gut-wrenching sadness. It's agony; but that's what withdrawal from addiction to a person feels like.
You don't feel good being with him, and it's like you feel worse trying to get over him. Been there, and done that.
You can't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet. Only because it has only been a short-time; and you've been relying so heavily on Facebook updates to feed your cravings. Now you feel like you're about explode. You need a fix, and you dying to ask you friend if he mentioned you.
Why should he? You're his ex. You're getting the urge to "stalk." I can't relate to that. I just wanted to end the grief.
It's going to get better. Words won't help you now. It's what you have to face in order to break his hold. Stop giving him so much power. Take it back.
Dig deep inside. There is reserve-strength you pushed down inside for times like these. It used to be doubt. Double he was right for you. Now let that doubt surface and allow it to activate the mechanism in your subconscious to detach from him.
You will start to get over him a little at a time. You're feeling sorry for yourself; and looking for an excuse to relapse and hunt him down. Bad habits are the hardest to break.
You'll be okay. Withdrawal is the hardest part. It is necessary in order to get over him. Don't fight it. Give into it. Then go do something to make yourself feel good.
Unrelated to him, that is.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (28 April 2014):
 Why not just de-activate your own account for sometime? I've never really seen Facebook do any good for anyone really. You dont need any more drama in your life, just get off Facebook and block the ex from your life for good
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (28 April 2014):
I think you're adult enough to deal with hearing his name, no need to delete someone you want to keep otherwise.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm feeling really sad right now. I just can't take it anymore. It's too much. I'm turning into someone else. I'm behaving in ways I normally wouldn't. I'm so mentally exhausted I'm throwing in the towel. Say a little prayer for me 'cause this is the worst breakup I've ever endured in my life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just blocked/deleted him on facebook. I'm still friends on there with my old high school friend, who hung out with my ex today along with her husband. Should I delete/block her as well since she'll probably be bringing him up?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 April 2014):
 He can only hurt/get a response from you IF YOU LET HIM!!!
If'n you're REALLY done with this a$$hole, then IGNORE him...
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (28 April 2014):
Block/delete him. Case closed.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 April 2014):
 When you have REALLY had enough of his games you will do what needs done. Block his number, delete & block him on Facebook, not reply any texts and so forth.
For now, you aren't ready to give up on the drama he constantly ropes you into. You still think (perhaps) that all the CRAP he throws your way is his way of showing he still loves you. I don't think it is. I think it's his way of trying to control and manipulate you til you end up in some little puddle in a corner.
Attacking you didn't give him the response he was hoping for, so now he tried to "I love you" thing.. it's ALL games.
As long as you LET him play these games, the longer it will take for you to even begin to heal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2014): When you're addicted to a person, you are somewhat under a spell. You surrender yourself to their abuse; because you don't want them to dispose of you like rubbish. So you make yourself easily available; no matter how he treats you.
I don't think there is one soul answering your post that can't relate to what you're feeling. You have more power over your feelings than you care to admit. You don't want to give him up. Even if it means taking a beating emotionally.
In time, you build up an immunity. Your mind starts to accept the futility of it all; and slowly, but surely, you begin to pull away.
You get tired of the bullsh*t.
As human beings, our threshold or tolerance for psychological-torture will vary. At some point, we can't take it anymore.
The feeling isn't love. Your ego can submit; because you can't accept being rejected. Give yourself time. Don't beat yourself up, I think he's done enough of that for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, he just text me and told me he loves me. He hasn't told me he loves me since March 22nd, so I know he's doing it just to be doing it or to try and pull me back in. This is the stuff that I can't stand. I'm leaving him alone, I wish he'd do the same to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter last night, I told him I was tired of the bullshit and to just never contact me again. I wake up this morning and then around noon he sends me a text message that says "where's that ass at". Of course, his stupidity pissed me off and I responded. He then told me that my problem is that after our time apart I still haven't grown up any and how I'm still living a drama filled life. He's the one creating it. He just text me, at this very moment, and said something with the intent to piss me off/hurt me. There was no other reason for it to be said. If he'd leave me alone, I'd be fine. But it's HIM that contacts ME, not vice versa.He initiated contact with me yesterday, before I text him last night. Other than my text to him last night I've made NO contact since the 29th of March. It's been him, and ONLY him. He'll text me something supid once a week or leave stupid facebook comments. Some are things about "us" that shouldn't be said. He always makes me feel like it's my fault. He's the one creating the drama because he won't just go away.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know this sounds crazy but I feel like someone has cast a spell over me. I feel like he's done something to me that keeps me dealing with all of this bullshit and I know he's not worth it. In the end, I'm so much better off without him but it's like a force that keeps pulling me.
I've never been through THIS before. I've been dumped, the dumper, heartbroken, but this situation is the most toxic, painful, confusing situation I've ever been in. This is not the same thing I've dealt with in past relationships. He has broken me and I don't know how it happened. I used to be the happy, bubbly, giggly girl that everyone liked because of my personality. Now, I'm an uptight bitch and feel like someone else entirely.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (27 April 2014):
I just don't get it, I mean you hurt yourself knowing the consequences and then you ask why your ex is doing this to you? You are the who isn't over him and pining for him, you're actually showing him that his behavior is fine and that you're such a doormat, that he can walk all over you, scream at you, abuse you, insult you and you'll still overlook all that because you're in "love" with him. Is your self esteem really that low? You know he doesnt give a fuck about you, that he's turned into a monster who loves to see you getting hurt. Your own words, not mine. If you STILL want to tell yourself that you love this demon of a man and you cant remove him either from social networking or from your life, then you're the one to be blamed.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 April 2014):
Wow, and you can't bring yourself to delete this asshat? SERIOUSLY?
DELETE him. YOU two are NOT going to get back together. And him talking to ANYONE new on FB is really not your business, as you two broke up.
BE mature about it. DELETE and BLOCK him and mourn the end of a relationship, do NOT let him sit with all the power to control your life, specially when he doesn't WANT you in his life.
He won't delete YOU from his FB because he has found it to be an outlet where he can continue to hurt you.
If you think by keeping him on your FB page, he will somehow change and be a good guy again, you are sadly mistaken.
You even WROTE it yourself, it IS obvious that he doesn't give a F about you, SO why are you torturing yourself ?
It's time to let him go and start healing. You get no medal or trophy for being the "martyr" ex GF who puts up with that kind of crap.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2014): As someone just pointed out, it's his ego.. he wants to know he can click his fingers and you'll respond.
I recommend you block him from all social media, email where you can, block his number/change your phone. Do as much as you can to cut all contact with him, directly or indirectly, indirectly meaning other people telling you about him.
I was with a jerk like this. He'd say cruel things and then in the next breath he'd be telling me how much he loved me and how "nobody knows me better", "you should be lucky someone loves you" and other nasty, manipulative and hugely egotistical crap. This guy doesn't care about you and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you will be able to put him in the bin, where he so aptly belongs!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 April 2014):
It's good for his ego to have someone so into him. He thinks you'd do anything to get with him.
Just delete him. Keeping him on FB is only prolonging the inevitable.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2014): When you decide to delete him and block him from your feed on Facebook, you'll start the process of detaching and moving on.
As long has he has a means to contact you and dig at your feelings; he can get you stirred up and upset. You want to hear from him. You don't seem to understand what it means when you breakup. You don't contact a person about people they are seeing when you aren't his girlfriend anymore. How long it takes him to get over you is none of your business.
You should be focused on how you're going to get over him.
Taking care of yourself, and starting your recovery from your breakup. That's a long and difficult process. Stalling is only prolonging your agony.
Recovery from a breakup starts with purging yourself of anything and everything, that even vaguely reminds you of that douche-bag.
I don't think he is getting all that angry and crazy for absolutely no reason. Something is going on and you left out all the details accept how terrible he is. I think he has been trying to breakup with you, and you're refusing to let go.
Tell me, what's there to love; if he smashes furniture and tells you he hates you? You describe him to be a complete maniac; but you love him soooooo much? All he has to do is say he found someone else and you have to know why; as if you're still in a relationship.
He's hurting you; because you leave the door wide open, so he can walk in and stomp on your feelings anytime he pleases.
You are feeding on the drama and enjoying playing his victim; to give him narcissistic supply to keep him calling and coming back for more.
If he couldn't contact you, he couldn't say anything to bother you. You need to keep tabs on his actions so you can make sure he doesn't meet other women.
Hello!!! That's what "single" people do. You are a mature woman. Not a teenage girl going through her first breakup with a guy. You are between 30-35; and this drama queen performance is just what he expects from you. So he says and does things to rip your soul apart. You break into tears and he soaks it all up.
When you get the strength to realize that a breakup means you cut all ties and communication with an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend; you'll begin the process of detaching your feelings and moving on.
It will be painful, you will be lonely. That's how you feel until you get him out of your system. Don't pretend you've never been through this before.
You have. You're not in-love, it just hurts your ego that he dumped you. You need his validation to feel your worthiness as a person. He knows it, so he walks all over you.
We're getting one side of the story; but if he is treating you so badly, there is nothing there to love him for.
The question is, if he hurts you so much; why do you keep responding? Why does he still have to way to reach you?
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