| A ,
anonymous
writes: Is it true that women only want men who treat them cruel? I was devoted to my ex-girfriend and she just broke my heart. Have I got to become a right bastard to make sure women stay with me? "Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" sort of thing?
View related questions:
my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Ondermania  +, writes (15 April 2010):
Before i understood women on a general level, i used to always think that they all wanted an 'asshole' to treat them badly. But it wasn't until i experienced a few failures myself and got into the theories behind why people fall in and out of each other, that i realised that it's all about the levels of investment which you put into eac hother which makes the difference.
Why is it that when you're with someone you're not particularly attracted to, that you somehow manage to keep them in your life? Its mainly because you have perspective in the relationship and don't invest as much into the relationship...
But the minute you find a girl who you're really attracted to, you suddenly start doing all you can to keep her... This includes buying her gifts, overdoing it with compliments and being there whenever she wants you to be... While this might sound sweet and romantic in theory, in reality, it's a surefy way to pushing them away from you.
Over investment is very crucial. If you invest more than she does, you can bet she will soon learn to resent you and walk away...
Have a life, be happy doing other things without her that enrich your life... Don't always be there for her whenever she wants you to. And above all, don't fall for her jealousy tactics... A man of true value won't ever get affected by it...Believe that you're high value and she will soon know that she has a MAN in her life that can't be pushed over...
Follow this advice and you will start seeing better results ;)
Good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): In a word YES.
Life is like fishing cast in your bait wait for that long awaited bite real it in then decide its not big enough and throw it back in because thats how women play the game, show interest and your a mug, treat em like shite it no works for me.
If they dont like it tuff move on.
I have learned the hard way like you, enjoy it play the field
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2007): i know exactly what you mean. i was with my ex for 7 years and she cheated on me with the local idiot for months. then when i forgave her she decieded she didnt want to be with me. she broke my heart. and the bloke she cheated on me with was a right scumbag. i feel as if ive been punished for being the nice guy.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2005): I don't speak for all women but what keeps me interested is??? He lets me love him the way I want to love him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (12 May 2005):
 "Treat 'em mean" is most certainly NOT in yours, or anyone's, best interests in staying in a loving and caring relationship. I wish that phrase had never been uttered, because I'm sure that many a good relationship has been spoilt over it.When you think about it objectively, it's stunningly stupid in its short-sighted simplicity. How would you respond if I said, "Oh, I know how to keep kids interested when I teach them the times-tables. I just smack them until they learn"? Or, how about "When I want my dog to be obedient, I always hit her with a truncheon first"? You'd call the police, or the guys in the white coats, right?Women and men are not different species. And yet, we hear this old chestnut trotted out a million times a day, in the name of saving relationships. No, that's definitely NOT, NOT, NOT the way to keep a person you care about happy.So what is? You haven't given me a lot to go on about the cause of your heartbreak, or how long you were together, so I can only offer the most general advice: you're picking the wrong women. Something about the women that you've been dating has been consistant... and wrong. Either you're attracted to women who don't like you (for whatever reason), or you attract women who "use" others and discard them.Try to analyse in your mind if there was any common thread in the personalities of the women that you go out with. Were they all fashion-slaves, or did they all knock you back sixteen times and say Yes on the 17th? Were they all truckstop waitresses? Or did they all come straight out of bad divorces? Please note I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with any of these circumstances - I'm only suggesting you look for something common about each of them that will give you an insight into the reasons for attraction, that's all.In future, when you're looking for some women to get to know, don't automatically eliminate women who are a little older, or younger, or have a baby or maybe aren't 100% in the looks department. Knowing and learning to love someone can go a long way towards smoothing out the preliminary wrinkles of first impressions and there are a LOT of women out there, who would love nothing more than having a mutually-supportive relationship with a man. Possibly a man like you.If you continue to be the smart, fun, cheerful, loving person that I'm sure you are, women will want to be with you. Just keep your eyes open for any possible recurrences in your past poor choices and... don't give your heart away too soon into the relationship.Good luck and be strong.
...............................
A
reader, smilechipper +, writes (12 May 2005):
I don't feel you should change who you are just because of this woman treating you badly. You obviously thought the world of her and deserve much better than she gave you. Be assured that women do not want a man to be a bastard as you put it. There arent many men around who do treat women well. Please give some lucky woman the pleasure of meeting the kind, loving, honest and caring man that you obviously are. You will feel heartbroken for a while but try to move on from this experience in your life and just be you. You sound great!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2005): Hi hun. No you don`t have to treat them mean to keep them keen unfortunately though some women out ther thrive on this whilst others are looking for the gentleness and romance. No one is the same; as I said, it is the type of person each of us as individuals are drawn to for no apparent reason and yet there can be deep rooted psychological reasons if we sit and think why we go for this type of person and not another.So no, don`t change who you are or the way you treat women, just through a woman wanting something else. If you did that then you wouldn`t be the real you anymore would you.Y ou would simply be like an actor playing a role and not a very pleasant one at that. You sound just lovely as you are so go and find yourself someone who will truly appreciate you for all the goodness that you can offer them in a relationship.I really hope this helps you out. Take care and good luck.
...............................
|
