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writes: Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 6 months and I do anything and everything I can for him, mostly the little stuff, like: a back rub or making him something to eat or getting him something to drink, just little stuff like that. But, how do I get him to do the things I do to him to me? I know it seems simple to just ask, but how do I get him to do it just because? Reply to this Question
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reader, atriana +, writes (13 May 2005):
All of the above. But there IS a trick to it. Never ask a man "Would you...?" ir "Could you...?" It may sound insane but most of them think you're just asking theoretically.So here is the WAY to ask:1. Ask "Will you..." If possible throw a " now" at the end. Or a "today." Even " in the next five minutes...[make up a reason why]."2. Do NOT beg or wheedle. PRACTICE in the mirror and pretend you are some famous movie star. Ask breezily and with every expectation that he can say nothing BUT yes.3. If he hesitates but doesn't say no step right up with a huge adoring smile and say "Thank you SO much. You're my hero!" Give him a peck on the cheek and walk away. (Shows you trust him and won't try to direct his efforts.)4. When he has done what you asked do NOT compliment the job he did. Tell him how wonderful it made YOU feel. "It was so incredible nice not having to worry about getting my oil changed for once!!" Believe it or not, THAT is his reward and telling him how wonderful HE made YOU feel will make him like a million bucks. He might even do it without being asked next time.
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reader, smilechipper +, writes (12 May 2005):
hello, I feel that your relationship is still in the early stages. Maybe your boyfriend isn't very demonstrative. Usually women are naturally that way and we tend to be able to show our love by doing the little things like you say you do. Men need a bit of a push!One way might be to simply tell him what you like to have done for you, such as hinting that your back aches a bit could he rub it a bit and tell him how nice it feels while he's doing it so he knows he's doing it right. Maybe he will do it off his own bat once he gets over that first hurdle of doing something for you for the first time. It is possible that he isn't the sort of person who shows his love in the ways you do, but does so in other ways.I hope things work out for you both .
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2005): Hi hunny. It sounds like he is so used to not having to try to make an effort to please you because you are giving him what he wants whenever he wants. Try to not do so much for him because even though they may seem like small things to you, those small things soon add up to be everything and bigger things.If a guy has all his needs met without even needing to really ask, then it becomes the "norm" so try asking him to give you the odd back rub etc because every relationship should be give and take by both parties, not one giving all and one taking all.I hope this helps and makes some kind of sense to you. Good luck and take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2005): Oh Honey, Are you dating a man or do you want another woman? Women do the little things, men look at the big picture. If you want him to do something nice for you you need to spell it out. Men focus on getting the high paying job, they want a big screen tv, they want a big house. Men don't do just because, they need direction.
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