A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had closure with my 45 year ex boyfriend last night. The problems around our sex life weighed heavily on this new relationship. Is it a good enough reason to end a relationship because I cant have penetrative satisfying sex? I love making love. The viagra didnt always work. The stress this caused put a dampers on our intimacy.Its so different having sex with all the anxiety and disappointment hanging around. He has been under his GP ans had all the tests in the past. His GP said its age related and no health problems involved.
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (24 April 2016):
45 seems young for ED. Im turning 48 next week and I dont remotely have an issue with this. Perhaps he just wasnt that sexually attracted to you? In which case, yes, you guys probably should call it quits.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2016): How many regular guys who like sex would be willing to not penetrate a woman. Yes there are always the exceptiona ie health or trauma. I wonder if the tables were turned how many would stick around in a new relationship?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (22 April 2016):
 I once briefly dated a man who couldn't get it up very often and yes, it was frustrating. We broke up, not for that but because he was an asshole but yes, in your case, it IS a good-enough reason to break up.
You shouldn't give up on something that you love because you know what? If you do, somewhere down the line, with time, it will definitely be a deal-breaker in the relationship. Maybe not initially but eventually, when you're constantly unsatisfied sexually, it will.
Sex is a very important part of life for most people and you shouldn't have to give up on it. And no, it wont make you a shallow person if you break up with him. It's sad that he's in this situation but no one can do anything about it and you needn't be the angel who saves him just because every other woman abandoned him. Look, he's a big boy, he needs to come to terms with it. Pouting, sulking, getting angry are not getting him anywhere. This is not your problem to solve OP. Its just been a month and there's already so much drama. Its not worth it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2016): I really do not think his problem is Ed.I think the problem is mental illness.He cries because of the stress.Yup mental illness...feel lucky you did not stay with him..the last 3 girlfriends got it now you need to get it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2016): Hi I'd just like to say (really for anyone reading this who suffers from ED) that I knew from the word go that my husband had ED (for medical reasons) and it never bothered me. There's lots of other things we can do and penetrative sex never got me off anyway so I don't feel I'm missing anything.Obviously for some people it's more important than others and it's all about compatibility. Fortunately it doesn't bother him too much as anxiety isn't good for any relationship, especially in the beginning. Your boyfriend may benefit from being single for a while to see if he can find the reason behind it as it causes him so much stress. It could be psychological and alongside counselling there would be alternative therapies he could try.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (22 April 2016):
 Call me heartless but I think this is an excellent reason to end a new relationship. Sex is not the be all and end all of life, of course, but it is a somewhat important part of a relationship, and starting one knowing you can't have " regular " sex, or that the issue will always be surrounded by anxiety, frustration, tension, and tears.... well, thanks but no thanks. After one month, it's just the right time to steer your course elsewhere without too much hurt to anybody.
Of course I see it differently in the case of something that prevents a normal sex life after 20 or 10 years together. That's an already consolidated relationship, where you have accumulated common history, shared important things, become something to each other before and beyond sex. So if a health issue determines the end of a "full " sex life, so be it, the two people will find other ways to compensate.
But doing that at the very beginning, when you don't even know the other person ?... naaaah, I don't think so. To do that it would take a martyr... or a fool.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2016): OP He has had this problem with his last three girlfriends and sadly they have all left. It's his anxiety and stress levels which make it so difficult to talk calmly, with his tears and frustration. If I knew him better I could offer more support but he seems so focused on himself and its a one month relationship. These should be the good times? He also gets angry and withdraws two days at a time....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 April 2016):
 IF he felt he couldn't give you a "decent" enough sex-life, felt inadequate, then yes I can see why he ended it, or even why you ended it. If both of you felt stressed over the lack of penetrative sex, then again yes.
Sex is not the be all- end all for everyone. You (general you) can still have plenty of intimacy (if you choose to work around it) - which you two maybe didn't?
And there is definitely more to sex than penis in vagina. But if that is part of YOUR needs (or his or both) then obviously the relationship were lacking.
However I think it's more than "just" age that is affecting his performance, but that is the answer he prefers.
You two were not sexually compatible, it happens.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2016): OP here. I just want to add that I tried to be patient and was never unkind to him.
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