A
female
age
30-35,
*b89
writes:[OP original title]Hi everyone,I have a pretty complicated situation on my hands at the moment. I'll try to make it as quick, and to the point, as possible. I have had a boyfriend now for about 5 months. He is great. Funny, affectionate, lovable, and very trustworthy, but there's just one issue, I still love and miss my ex-boyfriend. Now this would all be very simple if my ex lived in the United States, but he lives in England. I met him while he was working here on a visa and fell for him instantly. I was involved with the British guy for about 4 years(2 of them mostly long distance, just visits here and there) Granted, it was a very hard relationship because of the distance, my love for him overpowered the struggle and I believed that it was worth it, even when people told me different. Sadly, February of this year my ex and I finally called it quits. He wanted me to try to get a visa and work there so we could give it a real shot. He told me he had someone who could help me get a job. As exciting as it sounded, i knew i was not ready to get up and go and i felt as though he were pressuring me-i snapped and told him i wanted to put an end to our relationship once and for all. My family and friends were also telling me that he should take the risk and come here, even if it is more risky for him since he probably would not sustain a well paying job. He figured it would be easier for me to go there and work for the summer, since im young, still live at home and am in school. I still couldn't help but feel pathetic if i did that. Our main issue for me and him is that hes 26, and im 21. He is ready to settle down, as where i am ready to enjoy the "best years of my life". Now heres the BIG issue for me now is that I still think of my ex-boyfriend in England, even though I am with this great guy who is only 10 minutes down the road. I don't know what to do. Everyone is telling me to pick the guy that is here, but i cant help but feel drawn to my ex in England whom i loved with every inch of my being. Sometimes I feel as though i am settling because its easier, than other times I really do think that I love my boyfriend and am just being nostalgic. I need any advice I can get. What would you do if you were me? Thanks so much.
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female
reader, debbie-lou  +, writes (5 August 2010):
English or not he can't offer you the qualities as what your currnet boyfriend is giving you!
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (5 August 2010):
 Honey if ur not ready for the marriage and want to enjoy the best of years then good for u! I wish I had known that before I got engaged the first time, was drug out and ended very, very nasty. British guys are quite sexy too, and hey u only get a rendezvous with a foreign man once (mine was with an aussie). But like u I came to my senses and realized he's in another hemisphere Im not ready for commitment I want to keep on living out the good years before I change my life. Note: we still talk every now and then. So I dated around nothing serious then last Oct I met my husband. My point is focus on u and ur career path in school first and foremost that is sooo important, trust me there will be plenty of other men along the way!
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A
male
reader, singledad7 +, writes (5 August 2010):
 I think you are being selfish being in a relationship if you ever feel like you are settling and are constantly thinking of someone else. That is not fair to your current boyfriend. Just because you don't want to be alone, it does not give you the right to play with someone else. how would you feel if you found out you were the consolation prize to the guy in England? That he would rather be with someone else. In all things, treat others the way you want to be treated. As for your situation with the guy in the UK, if you really love him that much, go! I once let a European girl slip through my fingers who I felt that way about and regretted it for years. I wondered what could have been. Never live in regret.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (5 August 2010):
 It sounds like you are more in love with the idea of the Englishman then you are of actually doing what is necessary to be with him. With LDR's, one person has to make a choice to move to be with the other. You were right in hesitating because of the age difference. He is older and in a different place then you... ready to settle down. You are younger and still have things you want to do.
So here you are. Second guessing yourself and your relationship with him. However, if you moved to England to be with him, you would be second guessing yourself for moving out and wondering what life would be like back home.
You made the right choice by staying. If he was "the one" you would have had no hesitation in doing what was absolutely necessary to be with him. You need to try to give this guy a chance.... but to do that, you've got to get the idea out of your head that nobody else will ever love you like the Englishman did. You never know, there could be someone else who loves you more... all you have to do is be open to the possibility.
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