A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:its been 11 months now from i split up from my ex boyfriend of 4 years and i just cant seem to come to terms with it that we are no longer together. I have my good days but mostly i am depressed and hurt with the fact that he has moved on and i am unable to.With it coming up to Christmas i am dreading it so so much because of the fact that i have spent 4 yrs of christmas' with him and truthfully its a special time for me because each year i felt so good to have him by my side as we visited family and had our dinner etc. I have tried my hardest to move on with my life, i have tried to go out with other fellas but i just find it so difficult to actually be around other men when we are alone, i feel awkward and insecure. I know its because i used to feel so so comfortable with my ex and i could let go because he knew all my flaws etc and he didnt care, so i was able to be my true self. NOw i am self conscience about everything i do and feel so insecure about my body and personality. I want to move on and be able to have the confidence to meet other people but i just can't bring myself to do it. And i need help!Recently my best friend has got herself a new boyfriend and has sort of ditched me, i havent heard from her in almost 3 weeks now and i have sent her numerous textx and emails but ive gotten no reply. I leant heavily on her support to get me through the break up and when i had finally thought that i had gotten over till she ditched me and now i feel that i am right back to square one again!Please can someone help me, tell me what i can do to make all better again!
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female
reader, pica +, writes (23 November 2006):
There's a book "It's called a Break-up Because It's Broken" which I'd recommend you read. It's sole aim is to help you get over a break-up and it's funny and kind too. Have a look, hope it perks you up. You do need to move on. FYI there is no mathematical formula for getting over a relationship but you do have to make an effort.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2006): Really this boils down to one thing, you. You need to make yourself an action plan that include behavioral steps and goals to get yourself out of this rut.
Pining and longing for your ex will not bring him back so why not make your mind up to start enjoying your life, don't look back with regret, look forward to the fact that a new love is just around your corner, and so is a new town, or a new job and a new friend or two.
I know it is hard, and nothing you say will make it hurt less, but doing something will definately help you.
If you feel self concious about your body, start an excercise program, not only will your clothes fit better it helps to elevate your mood, give you more energy and look and feel stronger.
Get a makeover at a good hair salon, makeup hair, color cut, some new nails the whole works, when you look well cared for, people assume you like and care for yourself.
Look for activities or clubs or classes in your area that might interest you and get involved, great way to meet some new friends, don't rule out making new girlfriends, you can't always rely on one girl to be there for you 100%, people are busy. And keep dating if you want to do so, you just have not met the right person for you, and you will when you least expect it.
Focus on others and what they are saying, be a friend, care about someone else, it will lift your spirits and bring you out of your own little world.
Give yourself time,,,,you may even want to spend a little more time at home with your folks and get better acquainted with them, that often helps you to remember who you are and that you are loved.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2006):
My ex left of 8 years left me for someone else when I was 23 I am now 28 and believe it was the best thing that ever happened to me!
It takes time but little by little you will feel better. Try something new: new job or even a holiday or move, dont hang out at places you might see him or wait for the phone to ring. If you fill up your day then you wont be thinking about him all the time. Making some new friends is prob the best idea, something he is not part off, and try not to talk about him all the time people find it sooo boring.. Good luck vma
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A
female
reader, lovinghimnow +, writes (22 November 2006):
It take 1/3rd the time you went out with the person to get over them
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