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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Do guys treat all of their girlfriends the same? See my ex didn’t treat me like the princess he claimed he treated his ex like. I keep thinking it must be something I was doing wrong and I guess I would get some reassurance if I knew he treated all of his girlfriends the same. He said he made the mistake of treating his ex girlfriend like a princess and she then lied and cheated on him. They went on holidays together, he paid for everything, they went everywhere together. Even though she did this to him, he said the only thing he would get angry about is if somebody upset his ex (that was it for me I’m afraid). He did loads of romantic things with/for her, the likes of which I have only dreamt of, and he said he would have done anything for her. He said that she made him feel loved (I never got an answer as to what he meant by that). Guys, how does your gf make you feel loved? I thought I was the coolest girlfriend in the universe for him - I knew he was still coming to terms with the breakdown of his relationship so when he asked me out we agreed to take it slow and I certainly wasn’t needy whatsoever. I was independant and had my own life which he appreciated. He said that actually I was alot more fun than his ex and that he thought he was falling for me. I would certainly never have cheated on him and it was actually me that encouraged him to go out and have fun; go out night clubbing and to pubs with his friends. I think I have been treated anything like a princess. See, my ex said that his ex girlfriend would jump on him for sex as soon as she walked into the house and then another time he said after 1/2 an hour she would always make some excuse to go home. Is this what he meant by feeling loved??? He told me he didn’t want a relationship based on sex with me and very often pushed me away when he wanted me to kiss him so you can imagine how hurt and stunned I was when he started ignoring me straight after we had sex for the first and only time. We had been close friends for ages and I really trusted him. He can be very quiet at times, and he thanked me that I had made him feel very comfortable around girls because his ex-girlfriend wouldn’t let him have anything to do with girls.When we broke up he said I can’t fit you into my life anymore, I didn’t miss you in the week and a half we didn’t see each other, it had been over a month before he said anything (yet he was phoning me up everyday, making plans and saying he missed me!!!). The coldness in his tone shocked me and he seemed to be doing things to make me hate him. At the same time, he was saying he really liked me and wanted to be friends and go out etc. In fact, a week later I saw him at a family function; the following day he said how nice it was to have seen me and was I still up for going to the cinema. I declined because I thought he was only trying to be friends to alleviate his guilt at breaking up with me and it would be too painful to see him.He has had a brain injury since birth and I wonder if he has short term amnesia because he genuinely has no recollection of things that have happened recently although he does of things that happened months ago. He seems to have no concept of the way his blunt manner of speaking or his behaviour affects other people. Because of this, he seems very depressed and bitter about things because he doesn’t understand what he has done. According to his mum, his ex-girlfriend has been pestering him again lately and confusing him. I thought it weird that he had managed to arrange to see his ex-girlfriend (who he said stood him up claiming to have forgotten to see him) and yet he didn’t say he had tried to contact me in a week and a half. He told me he had been thinking alot about things lately and hadn’t seen anyone even his best friend.I keep feeling hatred for the way he has treated me but another part of me says he can’t help it. He’s not wired up like the rest of us.People keep telling me I have only heard his side of the story and it may have been that he treated his ex really badly. They were together 5 years and I can’t for the life of me see what it was based on. He didn’t seem to mention too much about her apart from the sex which I found weird.
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female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (1 January 2007):
 This guy was on rebound and was not ready for any kind of relationship. As his ex let him down it put trust barriers up and it made him very cautious.
It is natural for him to feel unloved and think that he has cheated on for being nice to his ex.
Netherless, it is not right that he took it out on you. He is affraid of commitment and getting hurt again, all you can do is to reassure him that you are not her,but a different person, why should you pay for someone else's mistake?
Give him some time and take it slow, carry on being friends and building the trust factor which is what is missing. He might have lost respect for women which would explain his behaviour, putting all women at the same level as his ex.
However, if he wants sex with you, wait until he is ready emotionally, otherwise he may always see you a friends with benefits and there is no respect there.
Good luck xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2006): So your main question is do guys treat their girlfriends all the same? I would think the answer would be yes and no.
I think men have a way of being with their girlfriends that is exactly alike, but I think that they treat them differently based on the individual differences in their girlfriends likes and dislikes and the difference in the way they relate to each one and the depth of their feeling or lack there of.
I think you are really trying to analyze what went wrong with your relationship, and the answer may not lie in something that you did wrong so there is no need to be resentful of his past girlfriends and how he may have liked them better so treated them better, timing probably played a big role in what he was able to offer you.
A couple of things come to mind, in that you may have been a rebound relationship for him because 5 years is a long time to be in a relationship and the fact that he talked about their intimate sex life with you tells me that he probably was not completely over her.
You are angry and hurt and that is understandable, that goes along with the territory of a break up, and you have to go through that grieving process and it is a process.
I am sorry you are feeling this way, but for what ever reason, your ex did not want a relationship with you and really it has more to do with his lack of readiness or committment than anything about you...just realize that he is not the one for you, and try to get past this...you will, we all do....you will find a new love in time.
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