A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've had one boyfriend, but he decided to break up with me 3 weeks ago after being together for 19 months.Before he broke up with me, he told me he didn't want to break up with me... then why did he do so? He said we could still be friends. I was told why he broke up with me was because I was too needy and caused him stress. After thinking about the relationship for a couple of days I realized I only seemed needy and therefore caused him stress when he would seem mad at me and would ignore my phone calls and texts when I wanted to talk to him about how I felt. I met with him a few days after the break up telling him how I felt our relationship was worth fixing and wondered if he felt the same way. During this he acted as if we were still dating, kissing me, tickling me and holding me; and said he would think about it. He agreed that our main problem in our relationship was communication. Later he told me it would be years until he would want to get back together with me, which I guess has been really hard to hear and I don't completely understand why it has to be so long.I really want him back and everyone is telling me to just not talk to him and act strong. He texts me every once and awhile and I reply...should I not?Should I expect to get him back sooner than in years?How can I act like his friend if I want to be so much more?Is there anything I can do to make him want to get back with me sooner and or quickly?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): he'll be back before the few years is up
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): i think he will come back to you. just give him space but don't completely stop talking to him.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 March 2011):
 He is not coming back, he just wanted to let you down easily and gently. He must feel some affection for you after dating for 19 months, so he did not want to be brutal, but if you look at his words without your wishful thinking lenses, you'll see it's bullshit.He did not want to leave you - but he did. There was nobody threatening him at gun point, so , in fact, he DID want to leave you.
He'll want to be back with you in a few years... how does he know ? How can he know what his emotions will be in 3 or 5 years from now ?..And, what would he be doing in the meantime ? Abstaining from meeting and dating other women ?... I don't think so. What if he falls in love with someone new, will he come back to you in a few years just because he told you so ?...And what about you, what are you supposed to do while he takes his time in being reday to be with you ?....
You are hanging on to his words, as it's natural, because they give you a glimmer of hope, but it's a false hope that's keeping you back from moving on with your life.
Be here now. Look at what is going on NOW: now this guy has dumped you and does not want to be with you. Take your cue from that , and live as if he does not exist.
Then, if some capricious fate has decided to get you back together, in 3 or 5 or 10 years...you'll cross that bridge when you'll reach there. But in the meantime, don't wait- live your life NOW.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): More than likely, he's interested in pursuing other interests. It's pretty brutal to hear, but that's kinda what I'm reading between the lines. It would probably be best to move on, and I certainly wouldn't hold on to any hope of reconciliation. If he was serious about the relationship he would a). work a little harder on it and b). certainly have some concise reasons for ending it. That just doesn't seem to be the case.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 March 2011):
Bad news, but he's not coming back. You're just being played, and he's having a really good laugh about it. Why on earth would you want to wait for a man who thinks so little of you that he'd make you wait for years, but at the same time tease you and make you think he cares.
The predictable thing about men is when we like a woman that much, we don't let her go. He let you go, and is enjoying the single life whilst you sit around twiddling your thumbs. He simply doesn't care enough about you warrant waiting around for years. By the time you've waited, he'll have had a load of other girls and won't come back anyway and far more suitable and decent guys will have passed you by in favour of other women.
He isn't coming back, and you really need to work on your self respect and esteem and not allow guys to treat you this way. You're just being used and laughed at by a guy who's going to keep you around as a spare. He doesn't love you enough, respect you enough or care enough. At all.
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