A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:this is going to be a little long so please bear with me, My ex-Bf's older than me, I've always been attracted to older men, but he's been married once, has a daughter by the woman he married and has a son by a girl he just dated for a few years, they broke up and he dated numerous other girls while she now has a steady boyfriend that comes over to see her every night when she gets off from work, she pays rent there so he doesn't have any feelings towards her anymore, anyway, me and him started dating in may, he was my manager at work, thats how we met, things went good for a while, we had to sneak around so that we could date until he transferred so that we both wouldn't get fired, but my mom got ahold of his phone number and harassed him when I wouldn't answer the phone for her when she called me, so she called him continuously until someone answered the phone or he just turned his phone off, and she kept doing it throughout our whole relationship and he said that bothered him because he was already under enough stress with work, I rarely saw him that much because he worked 6 days a week and he was dead tired when he got him because he ALWAYS worked late, even on saturday nights, the days we went most of the time, we lasted about 3 months and he started avoiding my phone calls and wouldn't call me back or he took forever to answer my text messages when I knew he wasn't busy, because he loved to bend the rules a little since he was the boss, but I finally had to go up to where he worked at and he took me home and told me he was sorry that he just didn't have time for a relationship and my mom was the main problem and his daughter didn't like it and his boss was putting a lot of stress on him and he just couldn't handle it all and he said he avoided my phone calls because he didn't want to hurt my feelings, I told him I understood and he said we could still be friends and hang out, we talk on the phone every day now when he gets off of work, he got fired from the job where we met and his roommate helped him get the one he's got now, he doesn't get paid nearly enough because he was at his last job 19 years and now he's struggling because he's got an expensive car and a high house note and credit card bills he has to pay for, he got a 2nd job at night at a party store, his only day off is sunday and thats football day he calls it and he says that no women are allowed at the house then, but tonight was the first night that he let me be there and watch it with him but only because I offered him a little money, I've been helping him out a little because I know he's having a hard time and I don't want to see him struggle, but I've spoiled him, I was always the one that put all the effort into our relationship, since we broke up, I came to see him all the time, I lived 30 minutes away until I moved to be closer to him and he says his kids have to be in bed by a certain time and he can't live them in the house alone with no one to watch them, thats why he can't take them home, he took me home once at 4 in the morning when his sons mom got back home from out of town with her boyfriend but thats only because I didn't have another way home, I don't mind loaning him money but I just moved in with 2 roommates myself and I can't loan him money all the time, and I know he likes me the same way that I like him because he shows it whenever I'm around him with the little things that he does and plus he's told me a few times, and I know he wouldn't play with my feelings or my hurt me again the way he first did, he'll feel guilty after a while if he did, I know him too well, what can I do to get him to let me come over to his house so that I can see him more? I don't want him to keep me around just because I've got a little bit of money to give him, I dont get a lot of money all the time like he thinks I do, I've been in my new house almost 2 weeks now and my rent is a little high, but he's came over to see me and spend a little time with me every day out of the week almost, I want to ask him about us dating again but its almost 10:30 or 9:30 at night when he gets in from work and he has to go straight home and put his kids to bed during the week, what should I do?***Mod note: deleted names to protect the innocent.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009): well, he keeps giving me the same line about us getting back together, after the new year when he quits his job he'll have more time to date, how do I know that? I just dont understand what went wrong in our relationship, we both treated each other good and we both took turns doing things for each other when we could, maybe its because he can't right now because he's too tired from works and his kids are there waiting for him when he gets home and he doesn't have the money to go out and he likes staying inside the house and watching football more than he does going out, but he's got to show he cares somehow other than the little things he does, I want to be suprised every once in a while too
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009): look hun, my frend is having the same problem. she told me about it, and im going to tell you like i told her; if your wondering, or if he has you confused, you should talk to him. if he denies giving you mixed signals, tell him what he's doing that makes you feel like he is. if he says he wants to get back with you, dont think about any good times he's givin you, dont think about what he's done for you, think about what he CAN do for you, nd think twice about how you feel about you, and where you two mostly went wrong. i speak this way, and hunny i am 12 years old lol.. my friend is 15, and she comes to me for a lot of advice, even about sex!! so just talk to him.. see what goes from there. bye
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