A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i need advice. been dating my boyfriend for 15 months long distance. we saw each other once every month for an extended weekend and had several week long visits. i have met practically his whole extended fam, one of the week-long visits was with his grandparents. so...real relationship.4 months ago, he started an intensive school program. he is in his late 20s - setting up his career. i am in my 30s - have my career. the program involves finding a real job - which is not happening in this economy. he's broke, stressed, feeling like he's behind w/o his career. i was feeling like my level of importance was declining. i got annoyed one day - i admit it, i felt like i was doing too much of the calling-every couple days. he was happy to video-chat with me maybe twice a week. now, he said..maybe we should take a brk. a brk is not the same as a brkup - he said. cuz he can't be in a relationship when he doesn't have his shit together - and that i have my career.we had a convo at the airport the last time we saw each other. i asked him to define a break if he doesn't feel it's the same as a breakup. he said he didn't know what he wanted to do. i said..don't do anything for now, we'll talk more. but then, we stopped really calling each other. i called 6 days later. he happily talked with me for an hr but didn't bring up stuff. a wk later, asked to v-chat. i told him what i needed if we were going to take a break - namely time frame. if break was just to ease pain of brkup, then i felt that was a disguised breakup. he said he would definitely think about what i said, blew me a kiss and said that he would talk with me really soon.10 days later, i got a vmail...saying he wanted to see how i was doing and to talk with me. that he was still looking for a job but wanted to see how things were. and that he would try back. so i didn't call back. 3 days later..still haven't heard anything.advice?? sorry for the long posting
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (9 November 2009):
I agree with quiet echo. And yes, a "beak" is pretty much the same as a breakup. He wants to keep you around without having to put any effort in a relationship. So, as much as you care for him...just consider it a breakup and move on; and again if you're available if/when he comes back around then you can consider seeing each other again. So for now if you need to tell him it's over then go ahead and do that, but no more phone calls, v-chats, email, etc. etc. when it's all said and done.
A
male
reader, Tatumokeef +, writes (9 November 2009):
 It seems like your boyfriend just wants a little space to himself. He doesn't want to break up with you because he still has feelings for you. The stress of his life is getting to him and is most likely causing him to be very agitated. To help speed up the process, don't ask him for a time frame because most likely it will frustrate him more. Also, I wouldnt talk about the "break" anymore or bring up that you want things to be back how they were or things like you miss being together. Let him figure things on his own and if he truly misses you and loves you, then he will come back to you. Breaks are good. They establish what you have and how much feelings you have towards one another. I wouldnt worry too much about losing him. Try to keep yourself occupied and dont wait around for him to call or vchat everyday. He will contact you.
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