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female
,
anonymous
writes: I don't know what I want from this guy! We've been on and off for a year. We've been bf and gf, sex buddies and friends and none of them seem to work. The relationship was the best, but when things got too hard it fell apart as neither of us were mature enough to keep it together (I'm 16, he's 18). Since the break up in October he's a changed person, is obviously enjoying being 18 and treating as many girls as possible with as little respect as possible (including me, who he likes to pick up when he's single for some comfort sex, then put down when he finds someone else). I think he's had 3 girlfriends in the past month, and he treats them really badly, cheating on them and such. I want a relationship with this guy again, but I want it the way it was before, not the way all his relationships are like at the moment. The problem is I don't think he's ready to start acting like a decent human being again. I can't move on, I've tried so many times. Do I wait around for him to change or do it myself and try to get him to drop the act and be himself again? Also, any suggestions why he's suddenly changed? Is it just that he's enjoying being out of a long-term relationship or something more complicated?
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (25 November 2006):
 I can only tell you that he's just being a normal young lad who wants to go out and do what he wants and not be tied down. Yes, they can sometimes treat the people who cross their path badly but, most of them, grow up eventually when they meet the right person.
You need to stop wasting time with this guy. He's not ready to settle down and give you what you want so find someone who is. I think you're expecting too much from him: lads of that age aren't lead by their brains, love.
You need to get away from this destructive relationship you have with him and find someone who wants what you want. He won't change for a long time and you shouldn't be prepared to wait around. You deserve better so don't let him waste any more of your time and find someone decent. A man, not a boy.
We've all been in your position, honey, hoping the guy we've fallen for will suddenly stop being a complete idiot and devote themselves to us but, sadly, it rarely happens. From the experience, you take away the knowledge that you are worth more than that and find someone who is already what you want, not just the foundations of a guy you want to build your own boyfriend on.
Some women never move past this stage. They love the challenge of taking a man who treats them like dirt and turning him into the perfect husband. But these women are rarely happy. Because even if the man does change, then they're bored and need a new project.
Don't be one of these women. Find your way through life happily with someone you love or no on at all. Good luck
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