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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I recently broke up. He broke up with me and last night my friends and I went up to a popular bar. I went w/my best friend and her boyfriend(which is the ex's best friend) and my older sister and her friends, and we played pool for a few hours. Well, this guy just came up to me and told me how beautiful I was and how he just had to come and meet me. he asked me to play pool w/him and his friend so i did. I have been heartbroken and in the house for days, I needed time where I was forced not to think about my ex. Well, my ex came in! he sat down and immediately spotted me playing pool w/these guys and took my sister aside. He asked her all of these questions and got so upset and mad and jealous. His friends came up to me and told me how hes done nothing but talk about me for days and yet when ever I tried to call him, he ignored me or told me to leave him alone. So, in the end, he called me a whore and freaked out. Why is he doing this? Does he want me back or does he just want to make sure im miserable and not worthy or anyone? HELP!!
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female
reader, Amethyst  +, writes (3 December 2006):
 I know the idea he has all too well, and it's fair from the best one... even though he thinks he knows best, he's making a mistake... that is, if he was sincere with what he said about still wanting to be with you. Taking a break from you is like taking a break from a commitment... what am I saying, it IS taking a break from a commitment.
I can't tell you what to do hun, but in my honest opinion, if he's so sure he still loves you, but isn't willing to put forth the effort to move past the arguements and compromise, then I don't think he's as sure as he thinks... merely as sure as he seems, which is barely any at all.
Lovers quarrel, it's a fact. There are almost always stressful times where it happens on a frequent basis, and the ONLY way out of it is NOT taking a break, it's to fix whatever the major problem is and move ON. Also, usually someone has to compromise their attitude, and in some cases it's both of the lovers... not just one.
If it were me, I'd ask him straight out if he was still in love with me. If he said yes, I would ask why we can't be together then, and just work things out... because I'd be sure I wouldn't regret trying, unless it was just him that didn't share the emotions anymore.
I can't really say too much more, all I can do is wish you the best of luck, and to remind you if it doesn't work out, it's not the end of the world. As you've already seen, there's plenty of other fish in the sea.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI went out with him last night. We met up at Starbucks and he was so sweet to me and bought me a coffee and aolopgized for treating me so badly. Everything started off smoothly. We talked, laughed and then we got down to business. He told me that we still needed time and that he was hurting too. He said that he still loved me and was still in love with me but all we do is fight. I practically begged for him back and told him that we could work things out. I told him that if he really wanted to then he would give us another chance. He said that we needed some time apart from eachother. He said he did not want to see anyone else and didn't have anyone else lined up. He said that if we got back together now that we might regret rushing back into it too fast and that we'd be ok for two weeks and then break up again. He said we needed time to make things heal before trying to build our relationship again. He said if I still wanted him back in two weeks then to call him and if he felt the same then he'd pick up. I left crying and then he called me to make sure I got home ok and then again later to tell me sweet dreams. What do I do now? I am heart broken and I don't know what to think! Does he want to be with me and he does need time to make sure? I dont know! HELP!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2006): Firstly, no decent man with integrity should ever call a woman "a whore'---period. That was uncalled for and you should insist on an apology. You were merely socializing and having fun. Judging from what you said about your ex bf's reaction to this, he has a head problem. Jealousy and anger are all about ownership, power and control. Your ex bf doesn't have the right to to treat you like a prized possession. So what does this ex bf's, immature jealous, angry behaviour's tell you, dear? He's insecure, has low self-esteem and he's very immature. He's not a healthy guy, hun and you just got a glimpse into what a future with this guy would be like. Why do women think, a man's jealousy and anger is a sign that he loves her? Men like this often do not know how to love in a mature, healthy, way. They are takers so please be careful. Re-evaluate, scrutinize and discern...really think hard about who he truly is and why he's doing this.
Many of us learned to believe early in life that other people determine our happiness. The truth is that only you make yourself happy through wise choices and using your head. You have an opportunity to get out there and date and have fun. Do it. There are many wonderful men out there who would treat you with respect and love you in a healthy way. Just enjoy life in a positive, good way and leave this ex bf in the dust! Good luck and take care
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female
reader, Amethyst +, writes (26 November 2006):
Your ex seems to have some jealousy issues, that's OBVIOUS. Why'd he break up with you in the first place, did he tell you?
He may have realized he made a mistake, and came in to get you back, then overreacted because he saw you with another guy. Doesn't give him the right to call you a whore though! And besides, you were just playing pool with the guys, didn't mean you were instantly dating them! Your ex sounds like a total jerk, but then again, people make mistakes. I suggest you try calling him once more, and if he lets you talk to him (or you get his answering machine) you tell him how you feel. That you constantly thought about him, but everytime you called he'd ignore you ortell you to leave him alone so you were miserable and needed to get your mind off things, so you went and played pool. Tell him that honestly, he had no right to freak out like that and call you a whore, because he was the one that broke up with you! It's not like you were with him and then flirting with the other guy. See how he reacts. If he blows up in your face, he doesn't deserve you anyway, so if I were you I'd move on.
Good luck with it though, and I'll be sure to check back for updates, maybe I can give better advice if I know a little more. Take care!
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