A
female
age
36-40,
*ady_firefighter15193
writes:Me and my ex, John, have had an on-again, off-again relationship for the past two years. We met through mutual friends and just talked and were friends for about 9 months and then decided to give love a try. We broke up after a couple months because he had a lot of financial struggles going on at the time and said he just didn't have the time to invest into a relationship and treat me how I deserved to be treated. We remained friends though, and after being apart for about a month he confessed to me that he missed me and shouldn't have broken up with me, and asked for another chance. So we got back together, but started having frequent arguements and after a huge fight we broke up again. However, during the time I've met and gotten to know John I've developed feelings for him. I'm not sure if it's love, and we've never said " I love you" to each other, but I really miss him and think about him all the time since we broke up. I even went as far as to propose that we have a "no strings attached" rendevous just to be able to still see and be intimate with him. Well around 10:30pm on New Years Eve he texted me and wished me a happy new year. From there a conversation began and he ended up coming over my house later that night. We decided to try the whole "no strings" thing and began having sex, but in the middle of it he suddenly said, " Fxck this no strings shxt" and when I sat up and asked him what he said, he said "I'm just kidding" and continued our activities. We went our separate ways the next morning, but I can't help but wonder what he meant and why he said what he said during our moments of passion. I don't know whether to just forget about it or to text him and bring up the subject? I do want to get back together with him, but up until NYE night I didn't think he ever wanted to be with me again. Am I just reading too much into it? Am I just letting my emotions lead me to believe something that isn't what I wish it was? What should I do??
View related questions:
broke up, get back together, got back together, I love you, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (3 January 2012):
 Gosh these FWB questions are really starting to frustrate me! All women do the same thing - start an FWB to be 'close' to him because they cant have him as boyfriend, and they think by being FWB they will get to be with him in the end, when in fact an FWB arrangement does the opposite!
Why be his FWB if you want to be with him properly? Why give him sex on a plate with no strings if you want him to take you seriously? Do you honestly think that by giving him sex he is going to fall for you again and want you back?
He will now see that you are willing to give your body away cheaply and easily, and he doesnt have to invest any effort into the relationship but he still gets sex. For a man this is win win. So he will now never see you as anything more than sex, because he knows you dont value sex highly (i.e. you give it away easily) so he will believe that chances are you are doing this FWB arrangement with more than one man, or that because you dont take sex seriously you are more likely to cheat.
If you want him back - play hard to get, dont give him sex so easily. Be distant, carry on with your own life, have fun, show him what he is missing. You are giving it him on a plate so he wont miss you - he can only miss you when you are not there.
Yes I know you want to be with him so you have set up this FWB arrangement because you want to remain close to him, but this arragement will only prevent you from getting what you want in the long run.
I would stop this FWB now, before you get hurt further and he really does stop seeing you as a girlfriend for good. Then be a bit more distant with him, try and get on with your life and show him you dont need him. Men hate needy women and they much prefer it when their girl is independent and happy with or without a man in her life. So show him you dont need him, that you can be happy without him. Give it some time, keep in touch with him, and see what happens.
But at the end of the day keep in mind he is an ex for a reason - you didnt have a sucessful relationship, you argued a lot and chances are that wont change this time around. You broke up because you were not compatible - that wont have changed, so I think you might be clutching at straws here when the best thing to do is to move on once and for all.
I hope this helps and good luck!
|
