A
female
age
30-35,
*ridge89
writes:Hi, in a bit of a pickle at the moment! I dated this guy while at uni, four years ago, when uni finished I was in a bad space and broke up with him without a proper explanation. I defiantly handled it the wrong way and regret that soo much. 4 years down the track, and having had no contact at all he messages me randomly. I'm half way around the world on my oe at this stage so it's along distance thing. From the day he messages me to today we have been yearning non stop, we have expressed how we feel about each other and he's moving closer to where I am to give things another go, everything feels really good and we are bothe smitten. We were having a Skype date the other night and started talking about uni and why I broke up with him all of a sudden. By the end of the conversation he noticed I had gone really quiet, truth is I do really like him and would be so happy if things worked out for us, I just get so down about how I hurt him and feel like that might stop us from moving forward.
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female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (30 May 2013):
 Everything WiseOwlE said was right on!!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2013): I think if he contacted you first, he is open to reconciliation. He has had four years to get over whatever negative feelings he may have experienced resulting from the breakup. It is rare that people would still want to re-enter your life after such a long span of time; unless they have very strong feelings for you; or an ax to grind. However; I do caution you that he may be going down memory lane and reminiscing about the college days. Don't get caught up in the nostalgia; and mistake it for love. Good memories rarely fade away; because we consciously hang on to them. Good memories produce feel-good endorphins and a feeling of euphoria. You try to over-look bad memories, but only at that moment of bliss. On the other hand; we may not fully forget a traumatic experience. It may take a while for it to resurface. All it takes is the right moment, and the right catalyst to trigger the memory. That catalyst may be an argument.Then the top blows off the pressure cooker! All those buried unresolved feelings rush to the surface, and they're relived as if it only happened yesterday.Therefore; it may be important that you give him the reasons and all the details, to both purge your guilt and to give him closure. Hold nothing back. Spill your guts and tell the truth.Next, give him time to process the information to determine if his renewed feelings of love remain unchanged. I urge you to move slowly from that point. This will give you both time to rewrite the script. To discuss what you want and need from each other. Do nothing in haste. Haste leads to regret. (I will keep my feelings about long-distance relationships to myself.)Should any unexpected pain reappear; he is able to truly forgive you and move forward. The point is to start from a clean slate.You are both now four years older and the wiser. The added maturity and experience you now have, gives you the advantage and necessary tools to handle your "new relationship;" should one materialize. Lets take tiny steps.I call it a "new relationship;" because the old one is dead.It should be "buried" as anything "dead" should be. You must ask for his forgiveness, and hear the words come from his lips. Do it on the phone or by Skype. You are halfway around the world, so an LDR is just another obstacle you'll have to overcome. So be realistic. Don't start declaring your unrequited love just yet.You are both now fully mature and able to deal with things you may not have been able to when you were previously together. Everyone does not get a second chance. So you must approach this carefully and using what you have learned from the first time together, and all past relationships up to now. Even if nothing comes of this, one thing is certain. He will receive the closure he deserves; and you will remove any guilt that has weighed on your heart the last 4 years. Finally, you both will be able to move on with nothing left but good memories. That in itself, is a gift from each of you to the other.Good luck to you both!
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