A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Before anyone says im a slag or idoit or whatever i know i am. Ive been having an affair with my ex behide our new partners backs. The thing is we never really broke up in the first place, we live in different areas of our city now but we would always make time to meet up and have sex when we were both single. Still went out to the cinema or for a day out together. We broke up because id moved 140 miles away for a job. It was my dream job so i didnt want to be fussy and so i took it and we said we'd still have a sexual relationship and but be able to date others. I got a job nearer to my hometown so i moved back about 18 months later but we never offically got back together. That was 4 years ago and its still going on now and im at a crossroads as what to do. I got with my boyfriend last year and i told him id still been seeing my ex but now i was with him that wasnt going to happen. And i kept true to it till 2 months ago. It was a chance meeting as i was in a pub near my exs and he came in with his girlfriend. I dont know why or what made me do it but i texted him to meet me in the carpark and ended up giving him oral in his car. Now we meet up every few days and the sex just gets better and better. Ive thought about leaving my current partner and asking my ex to get with me properly but half of the exictment is the fact its cheating and seedy. I need to stop this because i know people are getting hurt and believe it or not i dont want to break anyones heart. it makes me feel cheap and dirty afterwards but i keep going back for more like a drug addict. Part of me wants to end it with both of them. I do love my boyfriend but as a friend not a lover. And if my ex can do this with me, surely he would to me!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (5 December 2012):
There's no praise to give just because you understand why you are cheating. In fact it is worse. Everything you can use to describe your feelings and sex life with your ex is just an excuse. If you know what you are doing is wrong, then just stop. It is actually quite easy. You just keep telling yourself otherwise and continuously lie to yourself and those closest to you.
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (4 December 2012):
Hey, if the sex is that good why stop now? Whatever will happen will anyway. Not too nice for the "cheated" partners though!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 December 2012):
 Well, seems like you know what you are doing is wrong, however... you keep doing it. Because YOU get something out of it. Screw what's morally right and wrong... I'm not going to tell you what I really think about that, because I'm not sure it matters to you anyways.
First off, I have to say I agree with Uncle PJ, you need to break up with your current BF, this is not fair on him, he deserves to be treated better. And do go the "we can still be friends route" that obviously doesn't work well for you.
Secondly, I would suggest AFTER you break up with your current BF, that you take some time away from the EX (and all other guys) for a little while and try and figure out WHY you keep making excuses for your behavior + figure out what you really want.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (4 December 2012):
 Hi
This sounds more like a confession than a question. You know it's wrong, you know people will get hurt,you don't need others to tell you that.
You wouldn't want a man who cheats on his woman, so the Ex is out of the question, he can do it to her sooo... But you are doing it to your man so your Ex knows you will cheat too.
I would make a clean break from them both.Give yourself time to get over them. Neither is for you long term,thats obvious, so clear the decks asap and start afresh in 2013.
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A
male
reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (4 December 2012):
 You have to break up with your current boyfriend. You cannot keep leading him on and the longer this goes on behind his back, the more it'll crush him if/when it eventually comes out.If you break up with him now then you don't necessarily have to tell him you've been seeing your ex and can prevent some damage that you are causing to him. Tell him you've fallen out of love with him or aren't sure it's working which will be a lot better than saying 'oh by the way I've been with my ex whilst being with you.' Unless you think he'll take it okay-ish if you told him the truth and explained that's why you can no longer be together.As for your ex, if you never properly ended it with him then it's obvious that your feelings for each are still going to be there until that avenue either shuts for good or you rekindle it for real. If you want to be with him you must let him know how you feel and that ending it with your bf is the sign to say I'm willing to give us a go again. If he obliges and finishes with his girlfriend then it could be the sign to say you two should get together again. If he doesn't do this then it's clear that he's thinking with his second brain and just eating what has been offered on the plate.But it's up to you, it comes down to how you feel about your ex, excluding the sex. If this is all just heat of the moment, thrill seeking sex then it may be worth leaving it all. I hope this helps and wish the very best of luck with whatever you choose.
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