A
female
age
36-40,
*ez7
writes:Hello,Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years. He says he loves me and i love him too. Even though weve been through rough patches etc we have always tried to keep strong and make things work.But after 3 years of him being indecisive, i dont think he wants to commit to a serious relationship?We did live together but now apart because he needed time and space. Yet now he says he is ready, he is still hesitant to live with me?Im not being pushy with him its just i think 3 years is a long time to still be unsure. im not asking for marriage or anything like that. I just want us to be together in a proper relationship. I dont want to wait forever then him suddenly say 'actually i dont want this'.what do you think i should do or try? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 December 2012):
 "he says he loves me" do you not believe him?
I agree that after three years a man knows what he wants. In fact, I've never known a man to take more than 6 months to know what he wants...
You were living together and he moved out... it's not a good sign...
I think that if after three years of him not being able to commit to your relationship the way you want (and you have posted several times about it)... that you may need to consider ending the relationship as you are not happy with it.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (4 December 2012):
 Hi
He needs to show you he is in this for the long haul, even if you don't live together again yet, an engagement ring would be good. Living together is a huge step but a ring shows he is heading in the right direction.
If you can't wait any longer for him to commit then you have two choices,you decide.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2012): You've got a few issues here ... firstly, do you want to live with him? And if so, why? Is it because you think that's the natural progression? Could you be with him if he never wanted to live together ... some relationships are like this and work great, but you have to decide if yours could.
You have a bigger issue, though. You're wondering if he's really committed to this relationship at all - in any form! And that's only something you know and can determine.
I would suggest you sit him down and lay it out --- that you don't want a proposal, but you want to know if this is a stepping stone relationship for him and something that is convenient for now OR if it's where he sees himself in 5, 10, 20 years. If he can't answer that, then he effectively is answering it --- i.e. he's saying that he can't see you together down the track which means he does view your relationship as a "good for now" deal.
Some good news though --- this talk may prompt him to give you the wrong response whereby you call it quits. And that may actually wake him up and make him realise that he does want to be with you ... men can be a bit funny like that - sometimes they get complacent until something is taken from them and it's only then they realise how important it was! Good luck! :)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 December 2012):
 You write: "....im not asking for marriage or anything like that. I just want us to be together in a proper relationship..."
Many people are of the opinion that those two sentences are contradictory. Is your boyfriend one of them?
Good luck...
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