A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So heres the deal.ive been with this guy for 5 months, and he dumped me 4 months ago.when I met him he was really nice and we had an instant connection.we went to a theme park, wachted a movie etc.eventually we kissed, obviously like eathoter more than friends.It was really gong to be someting eventually we knew.we went out one evening we meeted up in a lokal club.that was the fist time his friends and mine saw us togehter. So everyone was a little curious.we knew eachter for about 2 weeks by then.I told someone we kissed and then people started comming up to me telling me how that ment nothing (with him!) cause he does that to everyone he a player etc.then they started rambling about me being bis girl and how I was telling evertone we had an relationship now. he kinda freaked he said that I was achting like I was claiming him after 2 weeks already and he didnt want to.he was al like WOW slow down! BUT the night before we chilled at his place, and he wanted to have sex with me several times he hinted and kinda tried too. ( I refused and said I didnt want it and he was nice about it, he didnt force me or anything)So I was all like you DO want to have sex but you DONT want to be my boyfriend? (not like I ever said we had a relationship n the first place)well we talked a bit and i went home, the next day he did text me what i was gonna do today and we begun to hang out again.and eventually he did ask me to be his girlfriend.but shouldent this be a BIG warning sign? i didnt see it? like he does want you but not be your boyfriend?I guess i was just so clueless and i love?after the 'fight' things where going nice he always called me everyday, wanting to hear my voice. said sweet things. really WANTED to see me and hold me.Said I was perfect and sweet. tbut after a while it was like I was not so very interesting anymore.he begun to hung out ALOT with his friends, doing fun stuff with ppl and kinda putting me on the waiting list. The sex was also kind of ONE sided it seemed. Like he cared less about me.he also never really asked me out he did go out on saturdays. ( I didt even know he was going out! until he told me) all i heard where the drunk stories afterwards.(and he never drinks he just suddely begun again while i had a relationship with him)He did ADMIT he did something i might not like. (asking numbers for fun)that was really bugging me and when i tried to talk to him about it he completely freaked. Like I was overeacting.I aksed him why he never tells me whe he goes out. (or ask me with him HINT sigh)he said to me he cant predict when hes going out and i act like where married. he also said thing like ''so what i ddnt f- her'wel we kind of talked about it (he even wanted to walk away before it was solved)He always made me feel like i was well overreacting? like i was being crazy about it.like is not a big deal, while for me it is cause it hurt my feelings?he told me it was NORMAL because he did it for FUN. I told him its NOT normal you have a gf and it hurt my FEELINGS. he just didnt understand that at ALL.he even atmitted to me that his other girlfriends he had didnt tell him these things, or didnt want to talk about it because they felt ''less worhy'' than him. His exes where very insecure. He almost made it sound he enjoyed that. Well I was a little schocked like, well sory IM not feeling any LESS than you! Eventually after hours of talking i got a sore SORRY out of his mouth, and hel try to adapt (by going out less) not like that would solve the problem, not right? thats like saying ill hurt your feelings less now okay?after that things went downhill,like he was not INTO me anymore, he even hung up the phone saying ok bye. instead of love you blabla, he was being so blunt it seemed. I was also on medication so I drink, he said he would not drink when He was wiht me because he said that would be unfair to me. I was glad he made that promise It ment a lot,(but he STILL did) also very disapointing.it was at his houde and everybody was drinking, so he asked if he could have ONE beer.i said it was ok. but then he just took more and more?! he even went OUT that night while he said he would stay with me? i slept alone at his house wtf. Also when i cried about someting serious, he did comfort me for a while, but really soon he just says'lets go downstairs i want to watch tv' i was not even done crying.after a month or so i went to stay with my dad (he lives in my country too but further away so i couldent see him for a while)i missed him alot! but he didnt call me OR text me (and i DID). I was feeling reather crappy about it. I even went back sooner for him! In the car back home i logged on on AIM.he did talk to me but even then he didnt call me or anything. saying he never got my text.Not even the next day no call! (and he knows i can only text him once in a while and never can i call him because i dont have a lot of money haha)i waited anoher whole day and still nothing. so i texted him what he was going to do that night (it was a saturday)THEN he finally replied and called, and he said he was going to wacht movies, play games blabla all this awesome fun stuff with others. (aka he didnt have time for me)the day after, there was a party witch his mother invited me to but he FORGOT that also. ( i said to his mother that i would wait for him to ask me too to make sure it was ok)I told him I did miss him alot and he only replied with aww thats nice :) (not even i miss you to)so the whole weekend after not seeing eachtoter for so long he wasnt planning on making five min time for me? or just call me? he only calles me because i texted :(i was feeling really down so i went to a friend.i called him later that night saying that i would like to meet up with him tommorow cause i wanted to talk and see him a litte (because i had the feeling thing where going bad)he tottally freaked! telling me I was redicilous and demanding! he told me to shut up litterly. and he hung up the phone. I was crying the whole conversation though, just telling him i loved him and that i just wanted to talk a little.but he told me to shut up and hung up the phone.I did text him after. Just come and talk so we can work this out.he never replied, just went along gaming blabla and to the party. then he came to my home and dumped me.telling me i was demanding and having to much expections from him. Telling me litterly that his AGENDA WAS FULL.That i acted like we where married. He began pointing out all my ''mistakes'' he was just really putting me down saying mean things, like how i didnt reconize his adopted sister as his own SISTER for the very first time i saw her (their so different too)... and how I gave his dad and arrogant look then and then?! And that he was ashamed of me not comming to his friends bithday. That his mother did not like me at ALL. (and so on...) well HE was the one telling me i was perfect? that really hurt. he just ran off after his big rant about me AGAIN making me feel i over reacted.he then yelled somthing and drove away, never speaking to me again. we go to the same school and i have to see him every day. its like the wound is scraped open EVERY day. I feel like SHIT! i think about him every day and hes like poison. i cant help but think about him, miss him and hating him the same time. theres no day when i dont think of him.he totally acts like im air now. he also very quickly hung out with other girls, like i meant nothing. while he always told me i was everything. he told my friends weird shit about me (almost all my friends dumped me for him now)I know i im not perfect either and i didnt do everything right, but he just LEFT me right away without talking it out, while he was the one telling me I was THE ONE and all that.what do i do to get over him? to get over this? i know their also not my friends and they never been but it hurts to be alone. they left me too...i cant avoid him, or the stories about him (mutual friens) they just ignore and stare at me.DID i overreact? should i weep for this guy any longer? or for my so called friends?am i just completely insane for being this upset about this?how do i stop thinking about him, when im so alone with nothing to do because my friends ditched me for him? He's like poison. I am seriously afraid to go to school.help me please?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 December 2010):
 Ok you have had a very bad experience with this guy. He never loved you or cared about you, he used you as he felt it would be funny to string you along and laughing at you behind your back. You dont deserve that sort of behavior he is a player and he played you like a fool. I know that this is hard to hear but its the truth sweetie. Instead of being upset over him you should be angry at him. They arent much friends if they are going to ditch you like that, as you get older you will realise you dont need those kind of people in your life.
It sounds like you fell for him to soon, you need to try and take things slower when you meet a guy and not rush things. hold your head up high and be happy that you got rid of him as he is no good for you, he likes making girls feel insecure about themselves and doesnt care about anyone but himself. Why dont you pick up new hobbies or interests and join new activites? It would take your mind of things and allow you to meet new people and develop new friendships. Goodluck.
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