A
female
age
51-59,
*awnie22
writes:hi my partner and i are going through a really tough time, weve been together for 11 years and havnt had sex for nearly a year,ive completely lost interest in sex, hes taken it really badly and when we started to talk about it he said the last time i tried to have sex with him he couldnt get an erection, he feels as though weve grown apart and are more like friends, i cant stand the thought of losing him, weve decided try and make a go of it again but i dont know what to do about the sex side of things, can it work? please help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (23 July 2007):
 OK what has changed in your relationship over the last year or more?
Do you have children as you don't mention them?
Long term relationships can go through stale patches and if the drive is not there from either party then the other person can lose the inspiration.
I think if you both want things to work out then perhaps you should book up to go and see Relate or someone similar, it is not that expensive and if you are both committed to making things work it is easier to talk to an impartial person to see what has changed for you both.
If they feel it is necessary, they do have sexual therapists that they can refer you to to discuss sexual issues and perhaps this is something to think about.
Everything is confidential and handled very professionally when my ex and I started having problems, we went to see Relate and then went on to individual counsellors who were private but the key here is that counselling does help and it makes you listen to the other person.
Our problems were too far gone with a loss of trust so it was a different situation than yours but Relate really did help and the counselling makes you a stronger person and able to listen to people rather than reacting to situations that may annoy you or frustrate you which can sometimes lead to disagreements or full blown arguments.
Think about it, talking and role playing has always been key to a good sex life in my personal experience, we had a very good sex life for 15 of our almost 20 years together and it keeps the attraction and spice into the relationship, think about changing the place as well, perhaps a romantic weekend away with a fabulous room and jacuzzi bath in Paris perhaps.
If the budget is tight then a weekend in this country and a country house hotel - 1 night or two. It doesn't have to be too lavish but perhaps the surroundings are reminding you both of times when things have failed in the past.
I would feel though that your lack of desire for sex is more of the issue here, what has changed for you do you think?
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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