A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my parnter and I have been together 6 years, I am 25 he is 29.we live together, about 5 months ago he asked me if it was ok if he used the internet to make some friends, I said this was ok, because he is disabled and it makes it hard for him to go out and about to make new friends.he started making new friends, he would tell me about them, some he even invited over, which was great, I was happy for him and it was nice because I dont have any friends either, I go to work come home and cook and clean leaving me no time to be social.over the last week I have noticed little changse with him, on the days I have off work we always do something together, this time I noticed he sit at the laptop all day and chat to people and try his best to get out of going out with me.then during the week, he basically sits at his laptop for hours on end chatting to someone, one time we had plans, he cancelled them saying he didnt feel like going and instead he sat at his laptop chatting to someone.that same night he cancelled spending time with me I herd a strange sound come from his laptop, sound like a animated kiss sound.I am not in to checking emails or anything but I can just tell his chatting to someone, yet he has not mention anyone to me at all(he has with past friends he made) and all during the week around the same time he is on the laptop, hardly talks to me at all,I feel very lonly, other then that he is acting as per normal towards me.I worry he is having a emotional affair with someone, I walked in to his office a couple of times and seen this one womens name in a chat window.I am very lonly and sad he is doing this, I really love him and spending time with him and I don't know what I have done wrong.I am worried if I ask him about it he will think I have been looking on his laptop or just leave me and I dont want that.I cant sleep or eat at all, I feel ill with stress.I don't know what to do, he can tell I am not myself and asked me about and if I am ok, but I am too scared to talk to him about this as I dont want to come off as accusing him, I dont mind him having friends but I dont like being ignored or being used.I don't know what to do, I feel worthless and feel like I have not been good enough for him.
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female
reader, Nik79  +, writes (23 October 2009):
I am in the same boat. Though this is my husband. What I did was installed a keylogger on the computer to find out just what was going on. He wouldnt tell me so I felt like I had to get to the bottom of it. You will not feel better physically and mentaly until you know the truth. Even though it may hurt, whats worse him lying and you still stressed out or you finding out the truth?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): Sounds a little like you use him being disabled as an excuse for his lousy behaviour. Let me ask you: if he is at home all day and has so much time for his computer, why is that YOU have no social life because YOU work, cook AND clean? Let him do the job. You sound like you've taken on a job of serving him. Here's what I think, if he decides he's too busy for you: go out and make new friends yourself. Don't be so dependent on him.
Also: talk to him about this. Set the limits of what is acceptable and what is not. He is prioritizing something else (the internet and chatting) over your relationship! Such behaviour will doom the relationship you have with him. Tell him so, have him stop or give him the boot.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2009): You should not let another person affect how you feel about yourself. Remember, we are born alone and we die alone. If he is behaving in a way that displeases you address the root issue and make a decision about the relationship. If it has run its course then let it go and find a truer beau. You're young.You really need to discuss your feelings with your partner and you need to state what you see as problems. IF HE SHOULD ANSWER THAT HE IS INDEED HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR you need to ask him why he started it. Where he thinks your relationship is headed. You haven't written anything that shows that he is having any type of affair. You are only supposing that he is because of his inordinate use of the computer. His perceptions about your feelings and his response show a concerned partner, not a cold and distant one.You're 25 and reacting like a 55 year old. Why do you feel so worthless without him? What does he have that you lack? Confidence in himself? If that is the case you need to grow up and embrace the real you and accept yourself as an independent adult who will survive come what may. This is the only rational viewpoint of someone alive in this world who want to survive without being an emotional WRECK.
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