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My dilemma is that I don't want my husband to be afraid to be honest with me, even about watching porn! I'm confused!

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Pornography, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 April 2008) 1 Answers - (Newest, 20 April 2008)
A age 41-50, * writes:

i'm married to a navy man. he travels alot an we spend alo of time apart. in the beginning of our relationship I found a lot of porn on is computer. he had xx sites saved to his faves. when i asked him about it, he said that it was from a time that he was single and "feeling neglected". i believed him.

since then i haven't found anything but one night he told me that he was looking at porn out of curiousity. he said it didn't turn him on. he said he couldn't believe some of the "free porn" sites and how easy it is to have sex with random people.

i felt like this as a lie based on all the porn he had already saved on his computer; horny wives dating services-sex sites-erotic services. i asked him to show me the sites he went to and he said he erased any trace of them from his computer. what this said to me was that he could easily view these sites behind my back and i'd never know.

if he was honest and said that he likes to look at porn- i might trust him- but at this point i feel the dishonesty is what is bothering me.

i spoke to him about it, but he still denies ever looking at porn during our relationship and that he doesn't remeber ever looking or hiding it. i recall the incident clearly- but he forgot? my dilemma is that i don't want him to be afraid to be honest with me- and that i feel like i don't even really know him.

i told him all this but he says that looking at porn was such a small passtime that he doesn't mind not looking anymore. should i believe this? i also found that he hid a swimsuit mag in his work bag so i wouldn't see it (he said i was in the room when it came in the mail and his first instinct was to get rid of it)and i asked him why he didn't tell me.

he said would get upset??? i asked him when have i ever gotten upset over such a thing and he couldn't think of a single time.He even said that he didn't look at it??? I didnt even ask im if he looked at it he just offered up the info as if i wold believe him. few weeks later- we had a discussion about it and e said that he wants to look at women because it's a man "thing" and that it doesn't turn him on, it's no different then looking at cars?!!!Im soo confused!! Pease help!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008):

seems to me that your husband has more of an issue with porn than you do. its like hes ashamed of you knowing that he looks at porn. personally i think there is not much wrong with it, as its just a visual repersentation of sex, which most poeple take part in (as long as its not degrading or exploting), poeple get stimulated in different ways (vision,feel,sound and words).

try and talk about it with him, talk about your own veiws to porn.

porn is just porn.

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