A
female
age
36-40,
*umb_bint
writes:Hi,Well this is a first for me, but besides from councelling, i don't know what else to do. Me and my ex were together for 6 years. At 19 we had a child together (not planned) and at the age of 20, we broke up. The last year has been a rollercoaster. I started a new job, lost alot of weight and started dating. Most of the time I'm fine, but there is always this feeling of want whenever I see him. Obviously I see him a few times a week because of our little girl, so avoiding him won't help. He has a new girlfriend, who quite frankly I've never got on with, as I've known her throughout school. I just can't stop being bitter towards their relationship, although I was the one who called ours off. Please help me get over this, as I know I deserve alot better than him, but just can't fully believe it.
View related questions:
broke up, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (22 April 2008):
 Right well you obviously felt that something had to give when you decided to break up with your ex.
You have a child together and there will always be a connection with your ex as the time when you made her and spent after she was born was presumably a very happy time in your life and that cannot be forgotten and it shouldn't be.
What are you going to tell your daughter when she is older, ooh your dad was awful and we broke up or are you going to say sweetheart you were born out of love and mummy and daddy was so happy after you were born, we love you so much?
I think that no matter how she was conceived and whether it was on purpose or not is not the question here, she was made by both of you and you both love her that is pretty obvious.
OK so to be quite honest your ex is being a responsible guy by maintaining his contact with your daughter, so hats off to him as some of your age group just wouldn't bother.
You say you have started a new job, lost weight and dated. Sounds to me like you haven't got a constant partner now and the fact that your ex does is the main problem here.
You need to boast your self confidence as that is what is lacking here. You are the full time mum at the end of the day and dating with a child is never easy for a single mum, believe me I know.
The fact that you never got on with your ex's new girlfriend means that you don't feel good about her being in his life or infact your daughter's that is quite natural as no one wants someone they don't like around anyone they have love or feelings for.
Your still coming to terms that your relationship is over and men move on much easier than women as they aren't always the ones left holding the baby so to speak.
You say that you deserve a lot better than him, so if you know that then you need to keep on reminding yourself of that fact. You are already getting counselling by the sounds of it and that does help honest, it makes you feel stronger emotionally. There will come a time when you feel like you are counselled out and that is the time to draw back, I felt that way when I discovered my ex's mistress and we went to Relate, individual counsellors and even a couple counsellor. It did come to a point though that I thought right I have had enough and when the couple counsellor somehow made us realise what on earth are we doing together, the penny did drop but the nail in the coffin was on a very rare day out and my ex shouted and our gorgeous little 3 year old daughter at the time dressed in a fantastic little lilac dress and her hair all nice and wonderful little shoes and she began to cry and I thought why am I subjecting her to this, it has to stop and it was the best decision I ever made, he always says it was a mutual decision but after I had said it out loud to him that night after she went to bed the next day he said I agree with you and it was over.
You need to get yourself busy and planning your life with your daughter and what you really want out of life. He must have had his faults or you wouldn't have ended it, keep a list of them just for you and when you waiver, take it out and look at it and remember the girl you don't like is now putting up with those things and you no longer have to, yippeeee!!!!
Take care honey and always remember we are all here for you OK.
BFN
Country Woman
|
