A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of nearly 2 months is ignoring me.I suffer from Depression and Anxiety problems, which means that going out in public to meet him and hang out is very difficult for me. He says he understands but I honestly can't see how he does! Every day he asks me to come to his place and meet his family and all his friends - all in one day! He tells me they'll "be on their best behaviour" and that I shouldn't be nervous because he'll be there.Yesterday I was a nervous wreck, to the point where I was physically ill, and I hadn't slept in days because I was worrying so much! So I called off the meeting, but he kept pressuring me to come down, saying his mum was dying to meet me amongst other guilt trips, to which I replied a firm "no". Since then he has put something on Facebook about how people that can't keep their word don't have the right to talk to him. I don't know if this was aimed at me or not but he hasn't said a word to me since yesterday morning, even though we have both been 'online' a considerable amount of time since!Normally he's the chatty one, can't go an hour without messaging me!I feel that too much 'ignoring time' has gone by for me to simply pop-up and say "hey". But that's just me!I have no idea what to do!Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2012): I myself suffer from this and it is called social anxiety disorder. No one can really understand unless they suffer from the problem the self, all you get are comments like it will be alright, they are really nice people etc. I have cancelled literally hundreds of events at the last monet because I just simply cannot do it. I m now in my 40's and have been to see a psychiatrist as things have become very bad. For me it is being in a social situation where everyone already knows each other and the fact that they may be saying things behind my back. My husband is extremely unsupportive of me and does not understand how a grown woman can feel like that. He gets angry about it as he will not understand. Social anxiety is truly devasting and the more you make people aware of it the more they make a fuss if you can manage to go somewhere so it makes everything much worse. I suggest you go and see a doctor who will arrange some help for you. In the end this will normally involve you going to some small event with your boyfriend at your side and staying for a short predetermined period of time.
The Facebook comment was a general moan from someone who does not understand what you are going through and who probably felt annoyed and embarrassed about not being able to show you off to his family. Try also meeting his family as a oe on one and not in a group as this can also e easier.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (8 June 2012):
Hi there. When you say you have depression and anxiety issues, are you also saying that you can't leave the house at all?
If you have a fear of public places and become anxious, you can have medical treatment for that or some counselling, to help you deal with it.
You would first need to see your family doctor, to get a referral to a counselling practice dealing in depression and anxiety issues.
It does seem that his message on Facebook about "people can't keep their word", was possibly pointed at you, as it's so coincidental, isn't it?
Is this fear of going to see his parents, more about that they might not like you?
Or is it just about leaving your home that makes you anxious?
In any case, it does need to be properly addressed, as it is getting in the way of your general happiness, isn't it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2012): I know what it's like to suffer from anxiety so you're not alone. I suffer from social anxiety and it sounds like that's what you have as well.
I really think it would be a good idea for you to speak to your parents about getting you some help. You should go and see your GP and they can refer you to a counselor or somebody who specialises in anxiety issues.
As for your boyfriend, well he may say he understands but you and i both know that unless you have anxiety you'll never fully understand what it's like. Try and explain to him how you feel. Tell him everything and if he still doesn't understand then maybe you should take a break from him until you get your anxiety issues sorted.
Best of luck.
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