A
male
age
41-50,
*igglywood
writes:My girlfriend came round this week and told me that she cannot be in a relationship and that we are over. We have only been together 2 1/2 months but have clicked from day one, haave perhaps gone too fast but generally things have been great. The companionship, bedroom etc etc has been great.She feels that perhaps she wasn't ready for a relationship in the first place and she has been depressed for a while and I think that she is not in a good place to make such a decision. She is finding it impossible to juggle her demanding new job, her son and me.I have fallen for her big time and feel that if she had a time out to get her head together that we could start again, really slowly next time as I can't believe that this is it. Only the other day she told me she loves me and she has thanked me for being understanding while her depression has made her feel "not herself".I avoided her cuddle as she said sorry leaving the other night so it ended on a sour note, do I leave her alone to contact me if she chooses or let her know that I am there for her?
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male
reader, wigglywood +, writes (3 December 2007):
wigglywood is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe ended up swapping mails last night and the last one from her told me not to beat myself up for the "accident".
It merely made her reason how she wouldn't want it to have happened then, or in the future. She basically realised that she didn't see a future with me and didn't feel how she thought she did about me.
Her last mail included lines about how she hadn't totally got over her last relationship and she said that I was truly lovely, a great guy and that I shouldn't change. She also said that she was glad to have met me. She thinks that we can't be friends as our intentions would be different.
It's hard but at lease we part on good terms.
I guess that you can think someone is lovely and great but not want to spend your future with them?
Will have to just try to see the positives in the short time we had and reflect fondly on it and move on.
A
male
reader, wigglywood +, writes (2 December 2007):
wigglywood is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,I have swapped a few texts with her yesterday and I am now convinced that she really doesn't want to be with me at all. Horribly I made a mistake last weekend, she'd told me that she had missed some of her contraceptive pills so we'd have to be careful and after a few drinks and complete idiocy on my part I failed to take precautions. I told her how bad I felt about it and she immediately half joked about whether I was "trapping" her.She says that the fact that I let it happen and her reaction affected her and she has realised that she doesn't feel how she thought she did about me.I emailed her at length about how bad I felt about that incident and how the relationship was too intense and we'd rushed in. I said that if 2nd chances were possible i'd like one but I don't think that's going to happen. I feel sorry for letting that happen. She was ok in the morning and said that I hadn't meant it to happen when I apologised but the damage was already done I feel. I really have tried to reassure her that I wasn't trapping her, I was stupid. I also wasn't trying to be too intense but we set off that way and I know she is very scared of getting hurt.Only been together just under 3 months so I had better let her go and move on.She knows where I am if she wants me.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (2 December 2007):
 Consider post-traumatic stress disorder. Maybe something terrible happened in her past, and she is afraid of it happening again, so she is running away from you, even though you had nothing to do with it.
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A
male
reader, wigglywood +, writes (1 December 2007):
wigglywood is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI dropped a note through her door yesterday and a text saying simply "hi, you ok?" I just wanted to leave the door open for her as it had been left quite cold on Wednesday.Later she text me back saying she didn't think that seeing or speaking to eachother was wise then a mini-text conversation continued and I said I was worried that the depression had broken us up. She is on pills and awaiting counselling but doesn't blame depression and that she hadn't meant to hurt me. It's hard to get closure as I still don't really understand.She sounded very determined that she knows that she doesn't want me so I have to believe her and forget her. Why when you get on so well do you have to dissappear from each others lives?
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (30 November 2007):
Both. Tell her you are there for her, but that it is up to her to come to you, so that she doesn't feel bothered. In short, tell her you are there for her, but then leave her alone until she contacts you.
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (30 November 2007):
 You should let her know you are there if she needs you but be careful...
Depression is a clinical psychological diagnostic that should be given by a professional and should not be taken lightly. If she is really depressed, she is not in an emotional position to make crucial decisions including starting or ending a relationship, however, she has and apparently she feels the need to be alone at this time. The thing here is you've only been together for a couple of months and you have no way of really assessing her mental stability or if she in fact is recently depressed or is suffering from any other mental illnesses as bipolarity.
I would stay around, as a friend, if you can. However, if you have fallen for her, be careful as your feelings might be in jeopardy.
Good luck!
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