A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a close friend of 42 who is incredibly unhappy in her ten year relationship.She suffers with anxiety and depression caused by lack of intimacy with him and long term frustration. I dont know how to support her anymore. They stay together for financial reasons, ie a better lifestyle but she could manage alone and there are no children involved. It is really hard to be close to her as she is so incredibly unhappy. I know it's because she is frightened to be single again. I just dont know how to support her anymore. Its been going on for over two years now and things are getting worse. She has turned to drink and I am genuinly concerned. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2015): I've been in a simmilar situation recently. Unfortunately I've learned that no matter how crazy the situation may be it is still her CHOICE!I hope thatyou're think about self and your issues more than you think about other people's. This is not a judgement on my part. I could never do that. As I Said, I've been there.The only thing you can do is be honest with her, not cruel just honest. When she starts venting, if she does, let her vent a bit then tell her that is her choice which means that she can do something about it. She's not a powerless victim.When you're with her and she orders or mames something to drink just have water, juice or tea. Take her to a gym/yoga class. Ask her to help you with something, maybe that will make her feel that she CAN do things.But... uou can't do much mire than this. If she prefers the devil she knows, that her decision. You just have to accept it. And I know how hard it is.Best of luck!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 June 2015):
 Since you mentioned drink... I am going to give my standard suggestion... get thee to an Al-anon meeting.
Al-anon is for friends and family of people affected by alcohol.
it will teach you that SADLY you can't fix her or help her she has to do it herself.
And it's ok to say "I don't know how to support you any more what do you need?" and if she says "i need you to listen to me vent" you can say to her "perhaps you should find a therapist to help you figure out how to vent and make progress" or something like that.
It's frustrating to watch people we care about not do things to take care of themselves.
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