A
female
age
41-50,
*londie18
writes:So I've been dating this guy for a year his daughter is 17 now and my bf pays his ex wife child support for this girl but the mom doesn't spend it on their daughter so every month the daughter txt her dad for stuff that she "wants" I've have enough of it . The daughter txt her dad an yells at him when she finds out that him an I have went and paid for a dinner or time spent together. Her dad told her to get a job but hasn't yet in the mean time the daughter moved out of her moms house and in with her 18 yr old bf an his parents an now his daughter wants the child support money like now! I'm so aggravated I want to scream she is so disrespectful! I don't know what to do an I'm going crazy
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 June 2015):
 Auntie Youwish is totally correct. The Dad HAS to follow the court's order to pay the mother or be held in contempt of court and that could mean jail time. He can of course give the daughter any other money he so wishes but not the child support money. You on the other hand knew that he had a teenage daughter when you started dating him so all of this shouldn't have come as a surprise to you. Maybe when she turns 18 this all will become a moot point but I would bet he'll be shelling out for his daughter for many years to come. Get used to it or decide to go.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2015): Every single situation like that and a woman complains that her husband/ boyfriend sends money on his child. What did you expect? Ou have a man with a life before you and he has a child. You will need to deal with it r just find another man.,With that said, his daughter is not asking for regular things I am sure like food . I am sure she asks for extra. Child support goes for sheltering her also,apart of itis paid for rent or mortgage. If she lives with her mom, and mom pays rent for a house the daughter lives in, it means mother DOES spends money for her. Also food. Child support doesn't cover cellphones and fashion boots. It should cover basics. But for extra she goes back to daddy, complaining that her mother doesn't spend these money on herIt's a very usuall story of a teen of divorced parents. If momma said no, then I will go to papa. Because the mother has custody she is deciding what to do with child support money.,Your boyfriend in no way should pay the daughter directly. She is stil a minor, and if she wants to go to court she can., She can yell and scream all she wants, or better go fet that job, but your boyfriend shouldn't give in.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 June 2015):
 I agree that this is between your boyfriend and his family. But if I were advising HIM (meaning between the lines that you should pass this advice along to him), I'd say not to deviate from the court order in ANY WAY, and that he should tell his daughter that any changes in the way he pays child support needs to be directed by the court, or he can get himself in a lot of trouble.
The court order says that he should pay his ex-wife, who, no matter what his daughter does or says, has LEGAL custody of this girl. If he pays his daughter, his mother could still file against him for breach of court order, getting him in a whole mess of trouble.
In short, he needs to tell his daughter that it's between her and her mother, and that he follows court order and nothing else. He should tell her to get with the court system, file against her mother, and get legal counsel if she can afford it. In a year when she's 18, he's free from primary support obligation (unless there was some special higher education stipulation).
In short, she could decide to live at Barnum and Bailey's circus if she so chooses, but for his own legal protection, he can't divert ONE CENT away from mandated court order. She needs to take it up with her mother and the courts, and he needs to hide behind the court's shield of protection in terms of guilt or family strife.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2015): While any issue regarding his daughter is not your concern, I'd suggest he consult a lawyer on the grounds that if she's chosen to shack up with her boyfriend then he could make a compelling argument that she has in effect emancipated herself and his obligation to continue paying child support should be terminated.
What kind of parents would allow their 18-year-old son's 17-year-old girlfriend to move in with them? Apparently parents who have a burning desire to immediately become grandparents and start raising their grandchildren.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 June 2015):
 An alternative would be for the boyfriend's parents to apply for the child support as the daughter is now living with them, he will need to make sure it is all done legally, but it could be a solution.
However, this is not really your business nor your concern, child support is between the parents, they need to resolve it.
I would find it very difficult to be in a relationship with a man with this sort of crap hanging over his head, UNLESS he was being very proactive in trying to resolve the issue in such a way his relationship with his daughter only had room to improve ....... a tough ask in this situation I think.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 June 2015):
 I think that is really an issue between HIM and his ex-wife.
My guess is he can't say no to his daughter, maybe there is some guilt over the divorce or whatnot, but HE is a grown man and you should not have to TELL him what to do with HIS money.
The thing is when you date/marry a guy with children, Child-support and kids (of any age) is part of the package deal. He probably have had this slightly dysfunctional relationship with his daughter since the divorce and the "kid" know JUST what buttons to push.
In a sense it WOULD make more sense to pay the "kid" directly, that way the mother can't spend it on non-kid related items. But I'm not sure it's WISE to do so. Though I would perhaps advice that he talks to a lawyer first, so the ex-wife can't "skin" him down the line for not paying HER the child support. AS the Child support is MEANT for the MOTHER (or father) to SUPPORT the child - so paying for food, rent, utilities, clothes, meds etc.
But it might be a good idea for you to sit him down and ask him how is going to deal with it. I would TRY not to get too upset, but keep your temper, help him USE common sense. Instead of getting so aggravated etc. I get that you find her disrespectful, but you know what? HE allows it.
If you share costs/expenses/live together then you two DEFINITELY need to make a budget, and stick to it, no matter how much the daughter DEMANDS things.
I have met SO many "kids" of any age (since moving to the US) who have grown up with divorced parents and they are VERY adapt in getting what they want by playing on their parents guilt.
It is HARD to watch, but if it's not your money - if you don't live together, I have to say it's not REALLY any of your business. Though again, having a chat with him that you think she is being ungrateful might help, might backfire.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2015): I will never know why people cope with this kind of stuff? There are more fishes in the sea, hunny. Why go after the one who has so much trouble going on? I wish you the best.
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