A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure if this really counts as a relationship or love question, but I really don't know where else to go, and I really need advice. Last night, one of my dear friends was in a car accident. I was informed shortly after the face, absolutely heartbroken. I cried my eyes out, fearing the worst. He went into surgery, and as soon as he was out I drove an hour to the hospital to see him. He's a good friend, a co worker, and I found myself developing feelings for him. While he was asleep I stood by his bedside, crying and talking to him, telling him how thankful I was to have him ok. Later in the evening I headed back home for work. Now, lately, he's been talking to another girl, but has only known her for 2-3 weeks. She was the first persn he got ahold of when he regained consciousness. I waited a good hour waiting for him to get ahold of me... And he never did. I was heartbroken. I was angry. What I want to know is... Is it rational for me to be angry? Is it ok for me to be this heartbroken? I haven't slept, barely eaten, and worried about him non-stop, but he couldn't bother to let me know anything? I feel like maybe I've just emotionally gone over the edge and am over reacting, but this does really hurt me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): I'm sorry to say this but it seems to me that he is much more important to you than you are to him. I've been in that position many times. People you consider good friends and important parts of your life sometimes don't feel the same about you. And since you obviously like this guy more than just a friend and it is not reciprocated, maybe it would be best for you to keep your distance from him. You can look at this event as a good thing, it is better that you found out he doesn't care that much about you now than after you have fallen completely in love with him.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 November 2011):
 You're in love with him and are jealous that this other girl is his potential love interest, and not you. You are upset because if you were in an accident you'd think of him first, while he didn't think of you first. You came second. And you wanted to come first, because of your feelings for him. But he doesn't feel the same way about you. Doesn't mean he doesn't care, just means to him you are a friend, nothing more. This girl might be something more, he might be in love.
So what to do? Confess your feelings to your friend, or wait and see what happens. Maybe the feelings surfaced because of the situation, maybe they will pass again in a few weeks. Maybe him and this girl wont work out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): I would feel the same as you if I were in your situation. I think there's a some possible reasons why he called her first even though he's only known her for, like, 2 weeks and you're the true friend who was by his side.1. He considers her a romantic partner, or a potential one. Maybe their relationship is heading that way, they are getting close in that way really fast. Whereas the official status of your relationship with him is as platonic friends (even though you're a good friend). So he feels in a way "closer" to her than to you even though their 'relationship' is only 2 weeks old, because of the type of relationship it is. It's sort of like, you've known your parents and siblings all your life. Yet, your boyfriend or significant other will be the one closer to you than them and will be the first one you call if you got into an accident, even though you've known them longer. right now he may not know her as well as he does you, but he sees her as a potential life partner so he's acting accordingly.2. maybe he doesn't know that you were there by his bedside or the extent of your emotional involvement and concern and support because he was unconscious or not altogether awake. Maybe if he was aware of how you had driven an hour to be there and how worried sick you were about him, he'd be touched and a lot more responsive toward you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 November 2011):
 I think you are overreacting a bit. He sees you as a friend and her as a potential mate. I'm sorry that might not be what you want to hear.
Does he know how you feel about him? Because I think he is clueless..
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (14 November 2011):
 I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I'm glad he's okay.
I definitely understand why you're so upset. And I also understand why he will be really confused by your reaction. It sounds like you haven't told him how you feel? He could be under the impression that you two are just friends, and that there are no romantic feelings involved - so he chose to protect the romantically based relationship he has by calling her up.
Also, I know that personally if I was really exhausted and not feeling up to making a lot of calls, I would probably not call my true friends, who would be the ones to understand why I decided to wait. At least, that's me.
I completely get why you're so hurt and devastated. I just think that after he heals up a bit, you should just tell him how you feel about him (if the girl still isn't serious), and clue him into the situation as it really is!
Good luck, sweet!
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