A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am the mother of four children. Three are well over 21 and are attending community college, and two have recently transferred into a four year college.The youngest of my kids is my daughter, a 17 year old who will be 18 in a few days. This morning she casually told me she wanted to drop out to get her GED, and calmly told me that she wasn't going to graduate and she didn't want to attend summer classes.Her GPA is a 3.3 and she was accepted to out of state schools, but not the one school I wanted her to be accepted to (an instate one).. so I told her to just go to a community college and transfer like her siblings had done. She has failed one class, which seems to be the ONLY class that she needs in order to graduate.I blew up at her. I told her I was disappointed, and she started crying and I started crying. She told me that since she's going to a community college anyways, it didn't matter if she had a GED or a diploma and jobs never asked to see one anyway.She is almost 18. I feel like I should let her make her decision and learn from it, but at the time same I want to assert my motherly influence and tell her to suck it up and go to summer classes.I'm lost because she's the first to ever have trouble graduating. But she's an accomplished writer and has been published in several articles.. was it wrong of me to restrict her here? And is it wrong of me to try to control her life past 18? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): It sounds like the problem is the class she failed. Sometimes when you fail something, it makes it incredibly intimidating to try it again. Sometimes the easy way out of trying again and facing your fear of failure is to say that you're just not cut out for the test...that's what you're daughter seems to be doing. I would encourage her to take summer school firmly, but without the drama...emphasize the practicality of it. In the end it will be a lot less work for her. Support her, but back her up too. Research tutors or help she could get to pass that one class she has trouble with. This just sounds like a confidence issue on her part.
A
female
reader, Inspiration!  +, writes (2 June 2011):
I am a teenager, and I totally think you should encourage your daughter to take this class!
However, do not break your Mother-Daughter relationship through this, because ulimately she has to be happy with her decision - and shouldn't feel pressured into doing something just to make you proud of her, considering you already said you where dissapointed in her. Perhaps you should say that you are very proud of her and support her.
...............................
A
female
reader, jdd +, writes (2 June 2011):
Here is the thing, you have the experience that she does not have. In the grand scheme of things, a summer class is not a big deal. BUT a GED v. a high school diploma can affect her down the road. This is too big a mistake to let her make and learn from, because it can have vast consequences. It doesn't make much sense to not complete high school when so close. I think a GED is great under different circumstances, but this just seems to be a really poor choice. From my own experience, as a student just about to graduate, while I did graduate high school, I did not take my SATS because I went to culinary school and did not need them. However, life changed and I needed to go back to school. The prospect of taking SATS later felt too daunting and I let it be an excuse. Eventually, I no longer needed them because I have been out of school long enough, but I truly believe that has I taken them (even though I didn't think I needed them), I would have gone back to school much sooner. Sometimes we have what seem like valid reasons at the time, but in the long run, we hurt ourselves. I think you need to encourage her to take the class, and if you do support her then I think your suggestion can be more of a requirement.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 June 2011):
 You kind of dropped the ball on the baby of the family. Or maybe you are the baby of the family?
...............................
A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (2 June 2011):
The only difference between a diploma and a GED is a social stigma from people who think that formal education is the be-all and end-all of human existence. Let her make her own decision.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 June 2011):
 This is sounding more like the teenager engaging in some creative writing than the mother of one.
What did her guidance counselor say? What did the teacher in the class she flunked say? "She never gave me any trouble" doesn't sound much like the parents I know. They know everything about their children's school activities and their friends and their classes.
You hear compliments from the teachers but didn't hear that she was struggling in school. Hm. Time to step up and parent.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011): A diploma looks so much better. Encourage her, but don't yell at her. Work employers will look at that down the line, you need to explain that to her.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2011): Hi, this is the writer of the post.
She and I don't communicate much. I'm always busy with work and she's always locked up in her room playing video games. She never goes out, never ditches, and has always been a complying girl.. she never gave me trouble until now.
I hear compliments from her teachers all the time. Mainly about her writing skills. She's been published several times in magazines and wants to write her own novel, so I thought she was good without my guidance.
Is this just teenage defiance or what?
My other kids never gave me so much trouble!
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 June 2011):
 i would strongly encourage her to take the class and get the diploma....
why are you just finding out now?
can she do anything to fix the one class before graduation
will they let her walk the stage with classmates if she promsies to take the class?
...............................
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (2 June 2011):
 Is your daughter going to be living at home? While she will soon be a legal adult, she is obviously "An Adult In Training".Your house, your rules. You do not stop being a Mom, just because the law labels them as "ADULT". It is ok to still guide her in what you think is best for her. It is just one class and that piece of paper does matter down the road. She may decide to do something else later besides Community College, perhaps some vocational training and many DO require that diploma.She does not have a lot of life experience and you never know when employers or schools might START insisting on that proof! Better to just get it done NOW, rather than later.That is sort of like running a race,tripping, and not crossing the finish line because you get upset! Finish the race proudly and THEN move on:)Maybe have her siblings be an encouragment to her? I also have a 17 yr old son and my rule of thumb is I will point in the right direction and nudge and push firmly. I will not SHOVE. I told him when you get older, we usually do not regret the things we have done, we regret the things we DID NOT DO.He was fighting a decision that I thought was best for him and he wanted to take the easy way out. I told him that he would regret NOT doing the task MORE than completing it.When he was done with his event, he thanks me and told me quietly I was right. :)Best Wishes.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 June 2011):
Oh, and double-check the admissions requirements for the local community college she'll be attending. Be sure you understand exactly what credentials she's expected to achieve prior to enrolling. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 June 2011):
You're just finding out now that your daughter isn't going to graduate this semester? Holy smokes, I think there's a lot more to this story that just that bombshell.
Shouldn't the first thing you do is go down to her school and find out what's been going on with her? Talk to her teachers and the guidance counselor? Get a solid understanding of what's been happening in her life?
She's misguided if she thinks that employers don't care about diplomas and credentials. There are so many job applicants out there, employers are looking for reasons to say "no" and the lack of a diploma would be one of the first reasons to drop a candidate from consideration. She's shooting herself in the foot.
If she just needs one class, get her scheduled for summer school and get that damn diploma. She's not the first teenager to have problems with this and she certainly won't be the last, so let go of your anger for now and try to figure out a way to get her the help she needs to get this diploma accomplished. I think you will regret it later if you DON'T exert as much motherly influence as you have right now. And talk to her siblings. They may be able to influence her as well.
...............................
|
