A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My daughter is 31 years-old with three children (all of them have different fathers, not sure if that matters) she is still with the father of the youngest one. The father of the other two were both physically and emotionally abusive. I am really scared for her because she is drinking so much. To be honest, drinking beer is something that has done for years, but, now, she drinks vodka, and because she got laid off from her job, that gives her even more time to drink. She has a lot of anger issues with me, I had her when I was only 17-still a child myself, but, between my mother and me, I did the best that I could, but, she constantly tells me that I was never there for her, that I always had to have men around, but, she was juealous of my girlfriends too, especially one that i had that was the same age as her. She called me tonight because she and her boyfriend had a fight, and the next thing I know, she is lashing out at me, and how I think that I am better than her, how I can't understand that everybody is not where I am in my life, (she was referring to the fact that I love Interior Decoration, and am finally going to try to start a business), it's almost like she is jealous of me. I have asked her over and over again to seek counseling, ( I went to speak to someone years ago, because I wanted to be able to make our relationship better, but, she refuses to. She said that she is offended by my even saying that speaking to someone has helped our relationship. In other words, it doesn't matter what I say, she gets angry with me. What can I do?
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female
reader, Mikados are lush!  +, writes (25 April 2009):
 I was going to mention the jealousy, then noticed you had said it yourself. It probably isn't you putting across that you are better than her, but her probably believing that. Of course you had boyfriends when she was younger, you were young yourself when you had her, most women like male company at some point in 16 years!
My mum had a fair few boyfriends and I think for a long time I was a bit miffed about that, its not until I reached about 4 or 5 years ago (I would of been about 34/35) that I realised she was only human!
And I expect the reason she feels the jealousy is because she knows she is miserable in her life and she knows she drinks too much. She possibly doesn't want to, but she is in a relationship that isn't making her happy at the end of the day and the drink is her escapeism.
Until she can actually admit she needs to change her own life, I dont see what you can really do? Without sounding like you're nagging her and driving her away I mean.
xxxxxxxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): When we are upset we lash out - generally at those we love. Mainly because they don't hit back. Its a short term thing, it is not how she really feels. She did it to you because she had to tell someone about the BF.
She is a grown woman and has to take responsibility at her age to say "well OK so what my mum had me young - I can't blame her for everything in my life. I made my own choices, therefore I am responsible." she probably won't but she should.
she is obviously depressed at her run in life - she can change this. What does she say when she is not angry? You need to talk to her. spend time with her? is that possible.
with the counselling thing its difficult for two reasons - people feel its a cop out that only stupid people go. (its really the stupid ones that don't go). But also Mum is ordering me to go, therefore i am not going to go. (she has to go of her volition).
the only other thing i can think of is collar her when the kids aren't there and BF isn't there and sit her down and say "look i am really hurt by all this. I need your help to fix this. We are a family and we need to work together. Help me."
The drink thing - its dangerous as you know....
hugs, Star.x.
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