A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel my bf is liking me with a reserve. We haven't been with each other for very long. I feel distant because he doesn't show enough affection. For example, he won't hold my hand in public or call me before he goes to sleep. On weekends, he always does some extra work during the day and hangs out with me at night(dinner and movie at home). However, I noticed that he would hang out with his friends on weekends. So I started to think why he won't spend time with me during daytime. Tonight, I had dinner with him and we watched TV at his place. It was a good night. At midnight, he told me he would drive me home. I asked him if I could spend night at his apartment he said yes. He didn't seem very interested so I asked him if he wanted me to stay he hesitated. I then said "ok I would go". He said :"I didn't say anything" but he still drove me back without trying to keep me. On our way home, I asked him why he didn't want me to stay. He said he didn't say that. He also told me he had a lovely night with me and he wanted to be alone some time. I thought about it and said:"ok, I will just stay with you until I find someone who treats me better." He asked me why I had to something like that and I told him,"it's the truth."We had sex for the first time today so I really wanted to spend the night with him but I told him that I would only stay if he wants me to. I am now at my own place and feeling dumped. I know many friends who will hang out and spend nights together. Many of my friends sleep over at each others' places especially during the first couple months of their relationship. Ever since the very beginning I feel he doesn't have much affection on me. A few days ago I asked him to give me a goodbye kiss on my cheek he refused to and said, "hon, that's PDA."Does he not like me? But he is the one who calls me to get dinner and lunch with me almost everyday. He is nice and smiley when talking to me in general. but he is nicer and passionate in bed.(and that's why I had sex with him tonight. he was nice and i felt close to him)I need more attention!I need more attention!!I am really thinking there are some reasons for him to be acting like that. it's possible he is just a difficult person and he does seem like one. I stay with him because I like him but this distant feeling irritates me. He is not the most ideal bf i can find so I tell myself it's ok for me to date him for now and I will move on with no regrets once I meet someone who treats me better.(that's my excuse for not leaving him.)Do you think his behaviors are normal? Am I too clingy? what should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): I have to agree with everything Gina has said.
He hesitated when you asked him if he wanted you to stay the night. He was probably thinking what a mess the place was in and was hesitant in letting you see that. You were too quick to say you'd go home and he took you at your word. Men are like that, they don't have any hidden meaning in what they say and assume women are the same.
It seems to me like you're simply using him for sex and some companionship rather than anything committed and I wouldn't mind betting he's regretting getting involved with you in the first place after what you said to him about finding someone better.
Is his behaviour normal? Yes it is. Are you too clingy? Yes you are. What should you do? Find someone better - and quickly - for his sake.
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