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male
age
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*ysw
writes:I am a 47 year old male and have been dating a woman who I have fallen in love with for 6 months. We live about 50 miles apart so only get to see each other weekends but we spend almost every weekend together. Recently we also got to spend a whole week together where we had a great time and this really cemented our relationship and we have talked about wanting to spend our lives together. Her birthday was in January and in addition to the present I got her, I also took her and her two kids (ages 19 and 16, the 19 year old who I hadn't met yet as she's away in college) out to a very nice dinner. She called me yesterday to say that a friend of hers who has a house in Italy is going in August and asked her if she wanted to join her. She has to pay her own airfare but will have no Hotel to pay for or anything. The kicker is right in the middle of the trip falls my birthday. Anyway, she called me and told me this, and that she is going. I am pretty upset about it, as was she when she called, knowing I'd be hurt. The thing is, if the situation was turned around there is no way I'd go. Not because I am so much of a better friend but I know I would have a lousy time thinking about her birthday and how upset she must be that I chose not to be there. So that's the scenario. I can't even talk to her about it as the only thing I could accomplish is to make her feel worse about going, which I don't see the point in. Reply to this Question
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reader, nysw +, writes (1 March 2008):
nysw is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers so far....you confirmed what I already knew....i'm a big baby!!!!!!
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (1 March 2008):
 I think at your age you should be able to see past the fact that it's your birthday. This is a great opportunity for her and you're kind of putting her in a bad spot. It's just a birthday. You built up your efforts, as far as taking the group out to dinner, and that was nice of you. That does not mean that she has to miss an opportunity like this because it's your birthday.
I think you're sulking a little bit. I'm not trying to be insensitive but it sounds like you're trying to plan a pitty party. Send her off on the trip with a big hug, a new camera and a clean conscience so she can enjoy the adventure. There is no other way now. If you pout about it and she stays home, she'll resent you for it. It's just a birthday. You did what you did because it was possible. She shouldn't have to feel like she owes you something.
My wife's family lives in the Caribbean. She goes to visit whenever she gets a chance. I miss her a lot while she's gone but I see the chance for her to do something special is more important than the fact I miss her.
Let her go and have a party next year.
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