A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im totally in love with a girl ive been dating for a few months now. i know she had a pretty hard time with her ex, and he was horrible to her; abusive, cheating, patronizing, and generally making her life pathetic. however, i found messages on her phone from him begging for her to go back to him, and i'm scared she will because i think she still has feelings for him. she won't discuss this and i need a way to sort this out. i'm not doing this out of pure selfishness; i'm scared for her, because i know what he could do to her. please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008): The less you say about it the better, if you make an issue then you could drive her back to him. I know this sounds mad, but it is true. Just love her and be there for her, and to an extent, try to act normal. If she does want to talk about it then may remind her that she went through a back time, but only say it once and dont harp on. Listen to her and that will be the only thing you can do. You cannot stop a person going, that is for sure, but you can be there for them, but at the same time, dont be a door mat. If she did have such a bad time with him then that should still be in her mind. And even though he has sent a text, it doesnt mean she is going to act on it.
take care
xx
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (20 January 2008):
 Hi,
This is a really hard one, because she is probably very mixed up about her feelings. The trouble with being abused is the after effect that it has on your life.
You would think that once you get rid of a partner that is violent towards you, you would be well rid of them. But this takes time. Dont forget that she has been minipulated by this guy, and that has probably left her insecure and scared.
The best thing you can do is to be understanding and patient with her. Tell her you love her and if she needs to talk, you will try to listen and not let your feelings get in the way.
What-ever you do dont force the issue with her, or you will seem as bad as him. And then she may leave you.
I am sure if you keep calm about the situation, all will be fine.
XX
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