A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What To Do? i am now 19 and have 2 amazing little boys with my longterm partner, sound good right? well its not all so perfect When i was a young girl my own dad physically and sexually abused me at first i didnt understand it was wrong but it carried on until i was 16,i didnt tell any1 because i was too afraid,it stopped for a while but when i was 18 i fell pregnant and about 6months into it i was sexually abused again and i was so ashamed of myself that i would go near my partner so i told him about it so he phoned the police but i cant make a statement because he's my dad and i love him,now im still ashamed of myself and any intimate part of my relationship im afraid to show my body,Please help me as i dont know what to do,i keep getting flash backs of that 1 time and it scares me help me please! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo all that asked about my mum,she was there at most times and sometimes helped im and she is still with him now,and to the one reply the children are not my farthers they are my partners we done a dna test with both
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): hey look , been there done that , i was scared of being pregnant because of a guy who abused me sexually and phisically , my cousin ! and WoW .. i ddn;t call the ploicde or anythin i just don't talk to him anymore or don't even pass next to his house . but in your case what you should do is YES , CALL THE POLICE ! your goin to have a baby from yiur dad and your like WHAT should i do ?? well yes call them , is your dad sick ?! jeez . well my second is that's why ..
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 October 2009):
You do not have anything to be ashamed of at all. You must remember that. You haven't done anything wrong. Not anything.
Your boyfriend is right, you must involve the police. Even if you love your father, you have to tell them. You have to tell them because he has hurt you appalingly, and how do you know that he will not hurt you little boys or someone else? Let alone hurt you again. He must not be allowed to get away with this, because he will destroy you.
I appreciate that it is easier said than done. So speak to a counsellor first. You need to face all those appalling memories and talk about them so you can start to move on. It was great that you spoke to your partner, because he cares for you and will understand why you're so hurt. Perhaps you could take him along to counslling with you. The most important thing is that you and your children are safe, and you won't be unless you make sure this man is locked up. Start there. Lots of luck.
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A
male
reader, called Steve +, writes (16 October 2009):
 You should involve the Police - simple as. Yes you love him, but for the protection of other little girls or your own children, you need to protect them from him.
It's not just a fact about what YOU want, but your children. If you owe them something... you owe them not to have to go through what you have been through right. If your Mum was complicit in this then I'm afraid she will also face the music.
You need to seek counselling, without it you will deteriorate and feel worse... the longer you leave it the worse it will get - seek help NOW!!!
I hope you find the inner strength you're going to need - but think of your children and how much you would blame yourself if; God forbid, he should get his hands on them and you stood by and did nothing...
All my love and support... Steve x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): I am so sorry to read your story. I understand that you love your Dad but he wasn't being your Dad when he abused you.Try to think that you can continue to have feelings for him as a father but not until you have resolved the hurt he caused you by his behaviour. You can love him, but not what he did...
You really should see a counsellor who may be able to help you to work through this. I do feel you should make the statement. He needs to know he abused your trust, you need to understand why he betrayed you and that it was not your fault.
There is so much time ahead where this could come back to trouble you. Please try to begin the healing process now. This must not be allowed to ruin your life or the lives of others. He will have to cope with the outcome.You are not responsible for him.
Please talk to someone...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): Hi
You need to let your Dad know that what he did to you was the most heinous crime ever. Not only is he a criminal to you but to every single father-daughter relationship. The man helped make you and it was his job to protect you from others and this is how he does it!!!!! I think that if he had little regard of what he did to his own flesh, his daughter, then you shouldn't be ashamed to let him know (or the police). Where was your mom all this time? And, please you need to talk to a counselor. Get some help, please.
Today you have your partner, but what about a few years down, when your dad starts abusing some other little girl?
Abusers do not change, and their method of 'grooming' a little girl is so subtle. These people are natural predators. They operate through tools of trust and fear. And, I think that you must call the cops. He must face the music. Or, if there is some other way you can make him feel horrible, then you do it. But, think that perhaps you are just one girl in the long line of little girls to go through the same horrific situation.
And, visit a counselor, talk to someone who specializes in sexual abuse. These are very deep scars and they won't heal so easily. But try to take one day at a time.
Also, I know that you have stability now, but I want you to be financially secure. So, try to earn a livelihood (if you aren't already). You are only 19 for crying out loud!
All my Love
I know that there are a lot of other agony 'aunts' who will give you much better advice.
I wish I could help you more.
Love :) and god bless
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): Hello. Tell the police everything. You may love your dad but hes never loved you. Hes just used you for his selfish, illegal, cruel sexual gratification. Cant you see that? Look at your children? If someone did anything bad to them, would you protect the person who did that? By keeping quiet you are giving your father permission to keep doing it. And sadly you may not be the only one he is or has been abusing. When men behave like he is behaving with you, they often build up a trusting bond to ensure your silence. They say things like.....its a special bond between `us` and you must enjoy it too or you wouldnt respond. They use your love and shame against you to ensure your silence and control you. Dont let him continue doing this as it may not just be your life that this man ruins. Face it, if he can do that to you, his daughter, he doesnt care who he abuses! So please stand up, speak the truth and shame the devil. He knew he stood the risk of being found out but it didnt stop him abusing you and damaging your life. So why are you protecting him?
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