A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ok so im 16 and i was in a relationship with an 18 year old polish guy called bercik for about 11 months this november .i was crazy about him and we did everything together.I was drinking before i met him and now my dad is blaming him for it .i lost my virginity to this guy in the summer and not because he wanted sex but because i wanted to ,he was my world and now since last week im heartbroken.I'm not allowed to leave the house my dad drops me off and collects me from school,he took my phone so i have no contact with him at all.My boyfriend dosent go to school he works with his dad so thats why i dont see him .We have had such an awesome time since i met him he was my world and my dad ruined it.Everytime i try to explain to dad he didnt give me alcohol dad is being racist saying i dont care he is polish and i wont let you be with pole hes being so horrible.i cant even go outside in our yard when my dad will be out the door saying were am i going?When he took my phone he looked through ALL my text messgaes it was so ackward and made me text bercik that it was over between us.then he kept my phone.Last saturday you see me and bercik were just down in a field near my home i had beer and i brought it with me then my dad just came out of nowere grabbed me and punched bercik straight into the face and shouted at him and told him to stay away from me it was so horrible and i dont think he will ever speak to me again :(What do i do i love him so much?
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female
reader, Claraw1  +, writes (24 October 2011):
 I agree that your Dad is only trying to protect you, and that is his job after all. that being said he has gone about it the wrong way. I am not sure on Irish law, but i imagine that there is a law against assault, and your Dad should be thankful to your man that he didn;t have him charged for punching him. I believe that shows how much your man cares for you. I agree that you should talk to someone that you trust, an adult at school or someone like that, and try to write down some rules and present them to your Dad, showing him that you can be responsible.
Remember your Dad is scared and only wants to protect his little girl, and no matter how old you are Dad's want to protect their daughters, it is in their nature. I am sorry that you are feeling this way, I know that it hurts and I wish you luck.
A
male
reader, landomando  +, writes (23 October 2011):
Move to the United States... Your dad sounds like a nut. Your dad is trying to protect you and be your father and yada yada yada.. But dont let any one stand in your way of happiness. You only live once. dont have any regrets. Or "What if I"... Cause in 100 years from now is it really going to matter? answer: nope.
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (23 October 2011):
I am so so sorry you are feeling like this. Your dad is only trying to protect you. He thinks you are too young to be drinking, and he is right, really. He doesn't want you drinking and having sex with some guy in a field. He doesn't want you to get pregnant. He doesn't want you to get hurt. He wants the best for you. So he is doing everything he can to keep you safe. That is where your dad is.
But I totally understand how you feel. You must feel desperate. What your dad is doing is too harsh, and he needs to stop it somehow.
I honestly think you need to go to your teacher or a counsellor or some adult who you like and trust and who likes you at school. You don't mention your mum, so maybe she is not with you. If she is, you should talk to her, but even then she probably can't control your dad. You need to talk to someone then at school, and explain the situation as you have here, and about how it is with your dad. Someone needs to talk to him and for this to be sorted out.
It is a pity that Bercik's parents maybe can't talk to your dad, and something be worked out so you can still be going out, but with some very straight rules that you both promise to obey. That really is the best solution, but I'm not sure how you get there. Maybe as a start you could suggest to your dad that would he let you see Bercik if his parents come round and you all agree some rules. Like ... NO BEER. No alcohol at all. My partner is Polish and I know they are pretty strict with children, so I would imagine his parents would have no problem agreeing to enforce that with him. Your dad needs to feel adults are in charge and that you two are going to be responsible. You can enjoy each other's company without beer ... really, you can. Surely it would be better to have him with a few rules, than not at all?
Maybe yes that is the best way - write down a list of sensible rules, even things like that you will get all your school work done before you ever go out with him or spend time texting or being on facebook with him or whatever ... just give him a sensible proposition, and try to be calm about it.
Having said that, after your dad punched Bercik, his parents might not feel too kindly towards him ... hmm ... but your dad can't keep you prisoner like this. You need to speak to someone.
good luck
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